speaker 1:  this call may be recorded press one to accept hello hello hello hello hello hello thank you hear me hello can you hear me connection drops well you need to know that when you went to Honey Lake at intake they thought that you told them that your wife was upset because she found out that you were going somewhere overnight and so your wife started calling you repeatedly and because she was calling you repeatedly upset you blocked her phone number and then unblocked at the next morning okay do you need to know that they didn't know that the only reason you unblocked it was because she had to have her father call you after she sent her sister-in-law to the house to check on you off they don't know that part and they don't know the part that you didn't even tell me that it was an overnight until after the fact and they didn't know the part that I was really supportive about it and I told you I was excited for you and happy that you were getting to socialize and proud that you were going to get to meet some of the people from your company they didn't know any of that but they all got to read the notes that said that you told me ahead of time that was over night they all got to read the notes that said I was upset they all got to read notes that said I was calling you repeatedly and they all got to read the notes that said that that was why you blocked my phone number that now huh I just I'm going to assume I'm going to assume it was a very very very first person you talked to which wouldn't have been anybody on your care team it would have been intake but I'm saying those notes went to all of your caregivers everybody everybody you ever interacted with all the notes from the first intake and they had no clue what you're actual deeper Twisted issues were because it all made sense that you were a victim of an a secure wise who has jealousy problems and control problems and unforgiveness problems just the entire situation that every single one of them thought you were dealing with I don't think could possibly be further from the actual situation they all thought that I went behind your back and convince the McDonald's to get you out of our house and then kick you out into a hotel so that I could be here with you in a bath towel I can say either one of those things and none of them knew that I told you over and over that you could come back to Stanley and I would just move out none of them knew that after you moved to the McDonald's I stayed out of the house for 3 and 1/2 days because I was scared to be here in the house at vacant home none of them is that I was never going to get you into a hotel and homeless none of them knew that
speaker 2: and
speaker 1: I don't know where they got it from it's a random thing to make up that I went and got the McDonald's to get you to move completely random thing to make up it isn't make that I know is I'm saying for your intake person to make that up that's really random that really detrimental to your care
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: understand what you're saying and you didn't tell them that the day that I got back from Cape Cod and found out that you were having an affair I specifically asked you not to go to Cleo's anymore and the next day you went to Cleo's with Julie they didn't know that
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: don't remember that's that's a huge lie like a huge huge Lie by Omission like. R I know you're a liar you're a liar if there is any person you interacted with who knew that your wife was divorcing you but did not know that you spoke to clean up after your wife didn't say don't go to lunch with Julie your wife only said don't go to Cleo's with Julie and that was the place that you chose to go to lunch with Julie the next Thursday like if there's anybody who you didn't tell that detail to then you were a liar you were lying by Omission is a very manipulative way to get people to have a wrong perception a perception that matches a fantasy instead of a perception that would match reality and there is such a thing there is such a thing that as perceptions that are based in fantasy and you gave that to everybody you've spoken to including all of your co-workers including your mom including all of your therapists including your new therapist every single one of them knows nothing but lies because of what you've chosen to Omit and I wasn't trying to get anything I only get to see them in the hour at a time and that's that's that's probably the most important details that's the most important detail Dustin the most important detail is not that you thought it was innocent while you were doing it even though that's not even true was a lie the most important details is not that your wife wasn't happy that you were getting to go to a park while she was out of town that's that doesn't eat that's not even pertinent right the most important detail is that after you were confronted with your sin and after you were told that your sin was a sin and after you've told that it was destroying your family and after you were given specific things that you needed to not do because they were cheating you chose to go and do those things anyways because you care more about you lie than you cared about your wife exactly the only thing that people need to know about your situation if you're wanting to get help they can't help you if they don't know that all they can do if they don't know that is confirm your fantasies all they can do if they don't know that is imagine that your wife is unforgiving or your wife is insecure or your wife is unreasonable that's that's all they can know and that does not help you to affirm you're delusional perceptions thoughts the people who know everything that happened can help you and those are the voices you should listen to but the people who only know what you've told them and you've conveniently left out all the most important things off and only told them the least important things are not people who can help you they're not people who need to be having conversations with you about the difference between your perception and your wife's perception kind of wife who goes through her husband's texts is an abuser the kind of wife who gets mad at him because he was quitting smoking is an abuser like wage that's not okay to make it about the problem being that your wife went through your texts that's not okay that you got a new supervisor but your wife doesn't seem to care about that like after you got a new supervisor you were spending hours at a time on the phone with Julie after you got a new supervisor you still care more about Julie's feelings than your wife's feelings month after you got a new supervisor you were still putting Julie first and your wife last that's the right way to say it and that's not just perception that's reality but you say it didn't seem to make a difference to her that I got a new supervisor that's not really pertinent to the core issues that are a problem for you and then I send you don't care that I got any supervisor your intake interviewer and probably you before that to be honest I don't remember that but you told them that I stated that I was putting the public the kids in public school so that I could put all of my time into divorcing you you did say that I didn't I didn't I didn't I sat there at the table while you badgered me and harassed me in front of Kevin and asked me six thousand eight times why was putting the kids in public school and six seven eight times I thought about a couch nope we were out there table no no no you're thinking of the night that you went over to the laws house after the kids had gone dead and you want to do tell me that your dad was planning a trip to Amelia Island and you wanted to tell me that you got a new supervisor that was the time we sat on the couch okay so edit that was not that was several weeks before the day that you came over to Badger me about why I put the kids in public school and how I should have talked to you about June 13th of all agree with your characterization of it but they this conversation has nothing to do with me asking about the teachers and why you didn't consult me about putting the kids in public yeah because different because no because when we were having that conversation and I went way out of my way to answer each and every time I didn't need to answer to you about that that it was a decision that I had made an out-of-the-blue you started telling when Brianna walked in the room a minute later you started telling her that I had said that I'd done it so I could put all my time and energy to divorcing you that was earlier and we were we were all like what we didn't hear that I didn't say that I don't know what he's talking about I said I didn't need to tell my husband I said I didn't know him a reason I said my choice what couch okay well that doesn't and I'm saying that day I never neither one of us ever sat on a couch about that day so what couch what difference does it make it so you don't remember it doesn't mean you didn't say it because I wasn't even spending time with you you didn't have an opportunity to do that you came over that day and we sat at their table we did not sit on a couch talking about when we started the table and I was talking to you about the rationale for making life-changing decision children I thought they need what couch talking about I don't know what couch talking about the statement that you made what you did if it was like what our kids in public schools spend all of your time if we're seeing the home no no no it didn't know it didn't happen Dustin it didn't happen that's no it didn't need a psychologist because you're claiming that I'm a liar and that I'm making things up but actually have to. I mean we're talking about a time frame are no we are you about something cuz I'm not doing any Spanish it we have documentation say something that you said I'm not going to mention you're talking about a time period in our life where I was going way out of my way to make sure that I wasn't ever alone with you I thought I was scared of you and say that I know that I was only communicating with a third party present well so this is not just a he-said-she-said kind of things they this is an actual horrific lie that you made up and it is traumatizing taking a bath because you're that I'm trying to have time for their kids and I'm telling you it's going to go through with this and I've got paid for me that's nothing to do with our kids if we didn't have kids and we were just two adults who were both single and thinking about dating one another I would be going well I can't be dead in a relationship with a person who I have to worry is going to make up lies about what I've said that's going to be in jury is to me but this is a great example way to live for talking about an extremely pertinent thing that actually happens that I'm never going to forget pretend didn't happen and we absolutely need to figure out a way to deal with situations like that we were sitting on the couch but you can't tell me a couch at what house and I'm telling you I have I have documentation of all of our interactions during that time. That's because you're making a false statement about what actually occurred so long I might have told you that I was I might have told you that this was that I had a lot going on know with the divorce but that doesn't make you you said that you put my children in the in school so that you could spend all of your time before sing me a song that was a long way by the first time you said it no yes but actually does it didn't happen it didn't happen like it did not happen did not happen perfect conversation with you know after you left it came out of your mouse but we were all going from that he asked me that table he asked got nothing to do with it he just like seven times why did you put the kids in public school and all seven times she said that she did yep the answer to him let me get that from that's not what I said before I get mugged filtering decisions like something that we should talk about them together I know but sitting at the table you did ask me many times why I had done it and I just tell you right that's what that was my statement was that I didn't have nothing to do with your earlier statement that you received the first month but I got so uncomfortable and I was so traumatized and embarrassed by the way that you were treating me and the way that you were talking down to me and the way that you were accusing me of making decisions without consulting you that I went outside to get away from you need to go outside and I went outside I went no no no I went outside I went outside because somebody needed to supervise all the children who are riding bicycles in the cul-de-sac and I was really really really really uncomfortable with the way that you were treating me and talking to me because it was very aggressive and very demeaning and very humiliating and very upsetting
speaker 2: you
speaker 1: shouldn't speak to a woman that way ever I had not done anything wrong and I was being a faithful wife and I was being a faithful educator and it was being a faithful mother and I should have been extolled for them and that was a very very very awful way for you to treat me and I went outside to escape you and while I was outside escaping you bring Anna came outside and she was feeling the same way she was frustrated and shaking her head and he goes she goes I don't know where he came up with this he just told us that you said that you put the kids in public schools so you could spend all your time divorcing them and that was what I remember something that actually happened. So when did I think this perfectly fits perfect Fidelity memory and I don't remember things I accused me of lying and the phone number . I kept records of I went out of my way to make messaging yeah so when did it happen I'm not when did that happen in life because I didn't I don't remember when we would have been talking that we wouldn't have had a witness or some documentation okay so clean that you don't remember it and that's just have some legal Nexus for you just completely pointless that's not matter don't treat me like just have some legal Nexus I'm not putting myself through the trauma of this conversation right now for my own benefit I am laying myself down for your mental health this is traumatic and awful and hurtful for me my life would be better if I did not speak to you ever but in order to be able to have relationship with you I need to feel safe that you're not going to make up lies about me but this isn't a lie and it's not making anything up I'm telling you I'm telling you that I know that that didn't happen and I was very careful throughout that entire month to not be putting myself in the position where you could do this to me and I'm telling you that I'm one hundred percent certain that you are incorrect in that you made the statement that I was said from the beginning that you said they this is and it's just so terrible that's been what is actually technically is terrible for you to say that I said that that is sure it's actually not terrible because you did say it was it terrible that you and I can't get on the same page or is it how it's terrible it's terrible that I can go to these Great Lengths you know to spend spend $200 on a special app to make sure that your communication with me is documented in my communication with you is documented and this time of year and then have you come up with I put our kids in public school so I could put all my time into divorcing you well you literally sent that so that even are you telling me that's not correct why did you say is and if it is correct then why are you arguing with it like I'm I'm telling you that I did not say that that's what I said the first time the very first time that you said that I said that I went where the heck did he get that from home did you put our kids in school so that you could spend all your time to work with me zero I put our kids in school because I realized that it was taking a lot of time and I can tell you right now I care about our children and I want them to have the best education possible and I want them to have the best routine and stability they can possibly have and I want them to when they're being cared for by an adult I want that adult to be able to give them undivided loving attention and you should be supporting me to allow me to be the person to do that that's your job as a father to wake up everyday and look at the world and say what can I do to make it easier for my wife to give my children the loving undivided attention that they deserve and you have become you have become not only an abject failure at that most basic responsibility but you were working in opposition to that off to the most extreme sense that you could possibly work in opposition to that responsibility as a father you were making my life hell you were taking my time and attention away from my children and I was doing everything that I could to salvage his last of their childhood I never said any of that to you before all I expressed to you was that I did not owe you an explanation because I had every legal and ethical right to make a decision on my own just like you had every legal and ethical right to go and check them out of public school and homeschool them yourself if you wanted to nobody was preventing you from doing so nobody was forcing you to allow your kids to be in the public school we are both people with free wills and we are both allowed to make decisions for our children and that's the time. You were really struggling with the idea that you didn't have control over me you were struggling with the idea that you didn't have control over me anymore that's what was upsetting you ever have control over you you're not a robot that doesn't mean that are shared as children have changes like that to their education with us being on the same page you shouldn't you shouldn't speak to me this way Dustin I know in our in our County would you put kids in school you can choose which school they go to do you know the facts but you canceling the other parent when you say I don't have an ethical obligation I think that that is it as an absolute wage which yeah all the time you need to this thing you need to understand is that having a woman speak with you regardless of whether she's the mother of your children or not having a woman speaks having a woman speak having a woman stick to you off is a privilege that you received by being a safe person for that woman to talk to and you're pointing at a specific time period in your life where you were not a safe person for a woman to talk to and you had been abusing me emotionally for a month and you were taking every opportunity that you had FaceTime with me to engage in manipulative tactics to try to make me feel guilt to try to make me feel shame to try to twist The Narrative around on me to take attention away from your egregious sins you were battering me emotionally with the way that you were living your life and you don't you're not just entitled to do that to a woman and you're not just entitled to her to have to be in the same room as you may have conversations with you you don't have that entitlement it's a privilege that it wasn't feeling it if you did you thought that you were entitled as their father that no matter how badly you were treating me I had to engage in conversation with you and that's not true that's a lie you feel a sense of entitlement to me that you don't have faith you want the privilege of may be willing to speak to you you're going to have to change the way that you treat me so that I know that you're a safe person for me to talk to and that you're not going to harm me emotionally by me exposing myself to you and this conversation tonight is obviously hurtful to me it's obviously upsetting to me it's obviously unpleasant to me you're not doing anything to earn the privilege of them wanting to talk to you the next time I decide to make a change with the children's education what I can't hear you anymore do you have a different microphone let me yeah what
speaker 2: hello hello