speaker 1: 
speaker 2: this call may be recorded press one to accept hi hey hello hey sorry about that I get this month so I'm assuming that you have those lease agreement last I have for the downstairs is Tyler York so I think after him was who you're disappointing Tyler yours they terminated October 2018 okay seems like it was a lot of after that you have a reason that there's you don't have a leash laws the same the same rate as what okay do you remember anything about when they're in and out of there no had to be rolled October till I don't know I figured out March or April March or April then Goldsmith didn't move to like June
speaker 1: okay
speaker 2: that's all I needed then are you okay yep the same way you podcasts oh yeah what did he say just suggesting a bunch of tactics that abusive that I don't really see that I've done like what like being controlling and manipulative and all that don't worry I'll keep trying did you ever order that impact gun no huh no with being a going to talk to Kevin or do I need to follow up with him or what what do you think I don't know how did you guys leave it when did you guys say about it nothing she's just what I told you she's like was like I felt was it that disaster waiting to have it and he doesn't he thinks that Jesse can be responsible for stuff and doesn't think it'd just be like a disabled person okay anything else for me Dustin yes if you're going to punish me emotionally never been I go to punish you emotionally and yeah it has we've pointed out specific instances of you doing it you treat me with you you call it I'm sorry I was frustrated if I pointed out of the house but the truth is that you change your demeanor toward me and you choose not to be warm and you choose not to reward me with your affection and attention and you choose to treat me with contempt and resentment and coldness and hostility if I'm expressing an idea that's contrary to what you want to have happened and that caused me to have to work full time to put you through grad schools when I didn't feel comfortable with that dynamic it's best not to me if I did yes I did and you were awful to me it was it was horrific you were so mean and ugly and you telling me how how I had no idea what I was talking about and it's ridiculous for me to think that I was the one who was making money I had no concept if the fact that over the next ten years you were going to make a hundred times as much money as I was and this is just like a blit and I had no right to feel taken advantage of it was just the way you talk down to me and treated me like I was terrible it's just asked if they would be for me to continue having those conversations with you or to make my own actual decisions about how long I feel comfortable being employed full-time for somebody else to reach that and it's leasing at all and I mean ultimately if you leave me I have agreed to give you all of our assets so I'm talking about I'm trying to identify the controlling behaviors I'm not trying to accuse you of taking my salary I'm saying that you're wanting to identify the controlling behaviors wage I'm saying when you hear me you always you're so busy just said we get to both have different opinions and that's okay but you won't recognize that when I I want to actually take action in my life and what I feel comfortable with and what I need in order to be okay is expressed I get finished and I'm not talking about you express it just different opinion I'm talking about you express a different opinion in a way that's condescending and emotionally punishing other words I don't have the benefit of a warm relationship with you if I'm not complying with what you want to happen then you say things that are really insulting and really delayed and really harmful and what that does is that trains me like a dog over time to avoid saying things that might put you in that move because that is so toxic and that mood makes me feel like I've the bad wife because I said something to cause conflict in the marriage and so for me to feel like a good wife I have to avoid doing things that are going to cause conflict in the marriage but in reality it's not at it for pot back and forth Tango like communication problems punishing me when I'm expressing that I want to do something that doesn't fit with your idea what you want to have happened and rewarding me size calling me pet names and being tender to me and complimenting me and extolling the virtues whenever I'm supporting your vision where I'm in love with with what you want to have happened the training it's a it's a conditioning it's a conditioning it's a training it's finish payments the net result is that we've always done just wanted to do and and and you have this Ideal Home somehow the one in control here but that's just never been the case off and you have been fine you've had an idea a lot of times that I'm the one who gets what I want and that's not that's possibly been the case at all and any time that I disagree with you that you categorize them as abusive and I think that that's not healthy and that week you disagree about it the email is that on we can't disagree that issue and it's very manipulative for you to try to make me feel that way it's just ordinarily manipulative for you to tell me that I'm calling it abuse just because I disagree I am extremely skilled at logic I have I have skills in civil civil debate that surpass 99.9% of Americans I'm in the absolute top-tier that you can find of people who know how to think about the actual issues and about the awful conflict in a straight line without resorting to add hobbyists without rebooting to slide of hand without resorting to change of subject I know I know that I can recognize somebody expressing a different opinion than mine okay that something like this if not you should automatically categorize that as a fuse and nobody's allowed to have a different opinion than you were at an article you sent you use if if that's wrong with you to try to tell me that about myself cuz it's not true that that's a manipulative tactic that you won't be to take upon myself that it's all in my percentage it's all in my imagination all in my mind and really I'm the one who's controlling and really I just don't realize that you don't agree with me so I just called it abuse and you want me to forget about the violence you want me to get about like when you walk outside of your house completely naked like to show my mother intentionally your penis and your testicles to disturb her to make a point that she has no business helping me move the rest of the items out of our rental that I made a commitment to our tenants I would move out of the rental know she had no business moving here my items my property so you've actually reached to see if it was a patient's were you admitted that it was reasonable for her to do what she was doing home and now you're showing yet another phase of reverting she wasn't doing anything for her paying my property the we were moving things from a rental and you understand now better than you ever have that that stuff belongs to me and that led some property belongs to you the piano a piano from my childhood belongs to you after we got married that wasn't yours from your childhood yeah no dust and it wasn't it wouldn't have been you know like it doesn't it doesn't matter this is a month since of having a right to abuse people with your nudity this this is not normal it's not okay it's not logical it's just controlling and it's just abusive but it's not controlling to take some of these piano you have to understand set my piano definitely was Debbie the entire time it was in her house and after we got married it was still Deb's as evidenced by the fact that it was at the Amelia Arts Academy for years without your knowledge there is no way that you can make any legal or rational claim that it belong to you during that time I went back to them that it belongs to hurry she didn't move it I moved she didn't move it to you she gave it to me off just after you're married to somebody you can't give something to one of them without it being joint property that's not possible the only way something can belong to you is if you owned it prior to becoming married and even if even if that happened then your property and not mine we still signed a lease agreement for somebody else to occupy and have use of the rental property and and when that's the case to remove items that are stopping people from having their legal right to occupy a residence that could be done by anybody because just because something belongs to you doesn't mean that you have a right to store it with somebody else has residential usage rights thought he was doing anything sinful against you nobody was doing anything controlling to you or that you or harmful to you so you have an unreasonable sense of a right to control other people I'm controlling other people buy them taking my Nike items and moving them without my permission that's literally the logic that that that you belong to me and I was behaving a servant to you by collecting rent to further your Empire and I know that Debbie emblematic of this entire thing you saying that I agree completely agree with you did something that I told you not to do but you think that I have to obey you like a three-year-old and that's not suitable I don't but what what is the fact that the fact that the results of me doing what I as a responsible adult knew was best and sitting for the situation and the punishment was that you walked outside completely naked exposing your genitals to my mother as a way of punishing us wage that's that's what we're talking about because she was not welcome at the house he stepped outside of the door I was in the doorway you stepped outside of her you were on the porch you stepped outside of the door you were on the porch and your reason for doing it off it's crazy and and you can't think that an action like that doesn't exert control over the people you do it too often forever after that event in fact the reason you did it because let's face it the piano was already moved it wasn't going back just cuz you walked outside Naked Juice the reason I'm over to my house I'm like it's completely rational she's my mother-in-law and she was helping me with something on property that belonged to me no it was perfect for me is trust me I'm not have a right to handle my life without my permission and does not have that ready the property belong to me and she is my mother and she felt like she was trespassing because you didn't want her here even though the other property owner was permitting it the correct action to take is for you to call the police so that they can the pig so it's not it's illegal for you to do what you did it's not your prerogative to show your genitals to somebody without their consent and then have my own the property she was way out in the driveway we purchased it jointly she wasn't doing anything illegal and that's the reason that you knew the police would have helped you she wasn't even doing anything wrong she was what she was doing was a net benefit to you she was doing good but what you did was criminal and the reason that behavior is Criminal is because it is in our topic is Criminal because it is going to salt to the people that you do it too and it is intended to change their mind and control them and cause them to fear you because you seemed crazy can you ever do with my property would I don't want you to do with my property again or this is what's going to happen how does that feel yeah that'll show you that's controlling and right now if you can look back if you can look that far but no Dustin you understand we had lent it out the other property and we had moved to this property and we have tenants there and we had joint marital property that I needed help moving because you weren't willing to help me move it we also have an agreement not to move it so we have agreement with the tenants that it would be there until we decide what to do with it together so the agreement of me and you and your parents to move my items without my permission they were my items and I told the tenants few weeks cuz you told me a few weeks and let's be honest you were saying that you were going to do it after you installed these baseboards and let's be honest you ended up what building a router table first it would have been like nine months of them having a one bedroom house when they paid for a three bedroom house now if you would have the job done say three days later and the piano was really in your way while you were trying to do the job then I could look back and I could say oh yeah that was kind of silly with me but that would have been proven by the fact that you finished the job two or three days later not by you assaulting us and in trying to harm us and make a point to us and control us as it turned out I made a good decision I made a good decision for our portfolio I made a good decision for myself and it's good decision for the tenants I made a good decision for you I used excellent judgment I got help when I needed help I did the right thing I wasn't in the wrong I wasn't in sin I wasn't controlling you I wasn't doing anything to your property it was my property and it was making good money decisions yeah from a house that somebody else was now renting to a house that we were now living in that's what I did it was reasonable and and you understand it wasn't like my parents moved the piano that night I had had a professional move the piano no they're not capable of moving that piano it requires a professional they were over here that night after the professional had moved the piano to help bring some other stuff over from the shed it didn't really make sense that you were so upset it still doesn't really make sense that you're so upset that attitude is not not okay that's extraordinarily controlling and for you to think the right way to do anything other than what mine is not control that's what I mean we have to be able to come to agreements about how things happen and not railroad what other but it's doing more than when you walk outside make it to show somebody's mother said that they don't have a right to do what they just did because they actually don't have a right to do what they just did you could go to the police or if you think they have a legal right but not only am I betraying contract that's got nothing to do with anything what's an arbitrary contract you can go to the police said complain about your mother-in-law moving your piano like so you think a reasonable way to control people is to walk outside completely naked and make a point that's my property outside naked at my house you walked outside dog was knowing that your mother-in-law was there for the surface she had my permission and she's my mother and it was my real estate and she was in the driveway that's I mean even if she was inside the house that's never an okay way to control a woman it's never okay to somebody's property into their house without their permission that's not okay just I it was my real estate month that you're acting like everything that you do is fine and I just have to put up with it where it's abusive it's well no but if you're going to enforce punishing me for not doing it the way you want me to do it by being naked in front of my mother without her consent off then it's really actually have anything to do with you you're really twisting it backwards the reality of that situation is that fine Aaron just have to do whatever you that's just want for else is Aaron am going to be abused the country because that gets the nudity was a power and control move it was meant to humiliate my mother and I it was meant to scare my mother and I took that to show that you have power over my mother and I it was meant to elicit feelings of disgust in my mother in early like you're emotionally punishing us for not doing the behaviors that you wanted us to do if if you're saying that you believe you're good already punished me by not going by our agreement that move our piano when we agreed to not pushing you did it you said a few weeks I told the tenants a few weeks turns out it was going to be nine months or more I wasn't controlling you I was controlling myself because actions that you take or never controlling Aaron it wasn't doesn't matter that your actions affect other people they only are within your sphere but if anybody does anything that affects you that's abusive know how long my piano out of my rental property because I have a lease appointment phone with the tenant is not abuse walking view of abuse you're accusing me of being abused outside and showing genitals to a mother in law to punish her for being helpful is definitely abuse because of the complex of your goals yeah she she was being helpful to me she didn't do anything wrong she loves to me she wasn't in sin but your because actually we publish terrible weapon and said shut up the next day and you called the piano mover and you asked him to move the piano some money and nobody would have gone naked in front of you to punish you for it we recognize that you have agency over yourself but you don't recognize that other people have a Dodge Jeep see you don't have any agency over my piano piano and even if you had it was my piano that was very very clear that she wanted it to be used and I was a music Major and she definitely gave it to us after we were married for that reason and and even if she gave it to us because you were a piano player and I was an aviation Beijing it's still would have been joint marital property but even if she given it to you when you were a ten year old even if you had like a title for it again it can't leave your property in a building that somebody else has occupancy rights too I was doing the right and the legal thing and what was really out of control on your end was how long your projects were going to take and at that point in time you really had entrapped you'll get around the fact you can say a few weeks and it's going to end up being a year but that's that's not okay for the tenants so I can be made to be uncomfortable because you have projects going on you can be made to be uncomfortable because you have projects going on we can rough it off while we wait for something to get finished around our house but we can't make our tenants live in a two-bedroom when they're paying us press three bedrooms and I'm not controlling you I'm not controlling you by removing property from a house that it doesn't have a right to be it it didn't do anything that deserved the level of punishment that you inflicted upon me like wouldn't Ted say that we could have a difference of opinion about what's the best thing to do with that piano I'm an adult you can't control another adult even if she's your wife but the truth is that you have you have it was I mean there's so many things even before that that you had done that it conditioned me to be fearful of what reaction you might have wage if I acted in the way that I actually thought was best you're saying you want to see it though want to see it yeah like if you're if you're abusive if you're controlling if you're manipulative like you you really want to understand
speaker 1: yes
speaker 2: and be doing any you don't want to do you don't want to do harmful things to your family that is true so we're talking like about Annex like a really really specific offense WWE universally considered abusive but you're systematically like saying that you won't trust anybody else's judgment and this is where it's just not helpful it's just not helpful to say that I am the one right person on the face of the planet who thinks that being naked to make the point that somebody's meddling too much is okay and everybody else on the face of the planet is wrong in thinking that that's control light bulb are you are you saying that you're you're now going to just take your new therapists word for it like I don't get there about if I agree that they shouldn't have done that but you won't label it as controlling you won't think about what effect that had on my behavior even subconsciously what and effect on your behavior well your intention was for it to have it affect your intention was to do something outright outrageous to make the point that I didn't have the right to meddle with your stuff your intention your intention was to let me know that there would be repercussions if I meddled with your stuff in the future so if the net effect is that you get to have an entire you know room of the house as your office and you get to have the entire shed years down the road you have a two and half car garage and you get angry at me for placing your baby's stroller in that garage and I try to resist knowing that that baby needs that stroller to be in a place where as sheltered from being outside but not a safety risk to the baby getting its fingers caught inside like I've already been conditioned to know that really bad things happen when I metal is that normal like normal women you know normal marriages within women can keep their house women can be domestic women can organize things off and and we've not ever have the ability for me to do anything in my own house because if your anger and your contempt and because of really really really really outrageous actions that you've taken to punish me when I've gotten off that your opinion and it's just there's just no there's no plane on which it's okay for you right now to tell me that that has zero effect on my behavior and the victim and I'm telling you it did I'm telling you it was psychologically disturbing just like you intended it to be all right I'm sorry that was disturbing okay you can accept that it was disturbing but you're not actually ready just to repent until you understand it it's just a blip it's just a blip in a very intense and very long pattern behaviors that word unreasonably designed to force your wife to be compliant and that even tonight like I'm being asked to take over the shame the blame the guilt of having been a bad wife that night you're asking me to feel all of that you should be feeling shame blame and guilt about what happened and you're asking me to feel that so not asking you to feel anything you are you are no no you told me all kinds of things about me you want me to believe all kinds of lies about myself you want me to believe that I was being controlling of years so that's that's blame that's beautiful in my opinion I wasn't the one that controlled the outcome of what happened with our
speaker 1: you
speaker 2: want to call a joint property that's fine so I add an intended outcome for her property you had an intended outcome for our joint property and US acted a solution that would ensure that my rights were over wrote written and yours where affected just in the tenants had property rights to not have it in that dwelling if you wanted to turn around the next day and have the piano carted off to the dump nobody was stopping you if you wanted to figure out a way to rent a little space in a warehouse to have it out of your way until you were ready for it nobody was stopping you I wasn't trying to control you I was just making a responsible adult sufficient has a good and faithful wife and as a good and faithful landlord I was just adulting it wasn't a big deal it wasn't anything to do with you I was just going about my own life and responsible way and you want me to believe that that means that I'm controlling or that I affected the outcome in some one-sided unilateral way that I should be ashamed of that's just not real and it's not green and not to do it you know that you did it without my permission against that you told you told me to tell the tenants a couple of weeks off and I know that in reality it ended up being at least nine months before you finished that project that you were saying you had to finish before we can move the piano over so I'm not ashamed of what I did and and I'm not going to believe you that we have an agreement in place I mean it's just like the thing with Jack you know Dad's house at Jax Beach Shack yeah you made an agreement and yeah you talked about the contingency of well what if this ends up taking month or time but you know April but once you get nine months just that like the contingency is not really even let me just gets a little murky you know what I mean so you tell attended a couple of weeks you know at some point at some point the the agreement can't any longer be will stay in there until dust and finishes his project that you said would only take a couple of weeks off I love you this is just another one of those things like like when people were telling you that you cheated on me with Julie like you can just go out of the world and you can just get off you know fifty random people and they're all going to tell you the same thing they're all going to tell you it sounds like your wife is pretty pretty good at organizing a home and moving and being a landlord it was making a good decision and it sounds like you're 10 to 6 but I'm telling you in a conversation right now about it you're trying to tell me that I was the one being controlling that's blame-shifting you serious that you need to you need to stop and think about what people you actually trust I mean like other people whose opinion you value other people whose judgment value are there people who you can look at and say oh this person has a healthy marriage or you know this person understands how you should respond when people are behaving the way you want for this person seems to know how to differentiate one person you know autonomy from a different person's autonomy I don't need help with that well you do but I mean if you're if you're thinking that you are best at that on the face of the planet that there's the out of billions of people there's nobody on this Earth is alive right now who would that as Vivid as you are at differentiating to people's autonomy from one another there's nobody on the face of this planet who's as good at knowing what it takes out of healthy there because you are there's nobody on the face of this planet who's as good at interpersonal conflict as you are like if you are number one then you need to figure out who's number two and you need to confirm this with that person is not going to I just don't think you're obviously very set in your way of thinking but you're talking about being willing to change your way of thinking that's not going to happen in a vacuum you have to have something else to change to and obviously not going to do it just by listening to me if I say something against me is abused that you imagine that I'm doing that for some kind of selfish reason so you kind of need a third party who you who you can't you know can't accuse them that way you don't feel like you just your therapist judgement and stuff like that I've only met with them for like an hour so you don't know if you trust them huh I do not know they know and now here honestly somebody should be able to trust his press is that Chris moles all right honey cuz he's you know what I mean like he's he knows the real deal so he wouldn't turn and he wouldn't turn a woman just not liking what somebody says and the equate that with a woman who's been giving a black guy he takes it seriously I don't know but I will deleting to try what day is your appointment with your therapist what is your appointment Thursday are you wanting to I guess it might not be good to have our kids overnight to the Coronavirus what do you think and then the ceiling you said I was thinking about seeing if you wanted to do overnights with the kids but then I was thinking that might spread Coronavirus you're saying that the kids come over here well yeah I was kind of thinking that way but what we've been doing this point it gives them a lot of stability and some quality time with you and it lets you focus on you know your things that we need you to work through all right yeah I don't know that bringing the kids over here would be appreciated they've got Jesse Jones that's why I just you know like I just want you to know that that that's how I feel about our children's best interest that so you know you know I'm not selfishly wanting them to always be with me and not see you right like it would be it'd be really good for me to not have them all the time I'm staying over here and I could go over there right more than anything though we need you to like work on yourself okay we need we need the taxes done we need you able to be accountable to other people's judgment we need you to quit smoking and we need you to repent of your abusive Behavior our kids need that our kids need that so that we can model a functional loving marriage Under One Roof in front of them forever I'm tired all right go to bed I mean okay go to sleep do you get to go to work later than normal tomorrow cuz of the dating cancellation oh maybe a little bit okay all right bye thanks my love you love you too