speaker 1:  this call may be recorded press one to accept hello hey how you doing I'm sorry the phone was not working on Wi-Fi calling in the trailer oh okay okay I know that it is generally not good for you but I was extremely concerned yesterday um when I was trying to talk to you about workaholism and the seriousness of it in causing emotional problems I'm really not up for talking about all this again tonight well why were you on your trailer today I thought I would do taxes but I'm really just sitting and staring so I think I'm going to go to bed yeah so there's a way that you think about what's a good way to behave and you think it's normal and it's it's really really not hold on just a second yeah ma'am I'm sorry about that you there I just you kind of last night you just kind of interrupted what I was saying and dismissed it and changed the subject to say that the previous night you couldn't even do taxes you have to go straight to bed cuz you were feeling suicidal t but it seemed like you were almost trying to support Megan's idea that you know down time is not good and working gets you doing something productive and that's like healthier she kind of remember that part of our conversation yesterday and I don't need you to call and give me like the answer to advise this is not like advice session this is not psychiatric advice this is a warning because she's a professional that she she would be she would be stunned if she could look at a chart showing how much time you spent at work and show me how much time you've spent on taxes and showing how much time you spent in exercise and Recreation just and that's not something that anybody can fax them you can't you can't tell somebody how much you work in a normal person actually comprehend it unless they see cold hard numbers on a pie graph she would not believe it it's it's it's amazing that you are still existing with the way that you have structured your time over the last Seventeen years it is it is surreal that you exist right now I'm sorry about that I don't think that Megan knows that you've been doing it for that long I don't think Meghan knows the difference between between the four pallets that I asked you to put together so that the bikes wouldn't get rested and what you actually built on the side of our house wage I don't think that Megan knows that when I was in Cape Cod you were at River Hollow feeling depressed like the only being who cared about you in the universe was dead dog because of the schedule you keep I don't know if she knows that going fishing with Julie's family was the first time maybe ever been fishing ever I don't think she knows that what you call not being connected to your wife and what you call your wife not liking you is just you never read creating ever I don't think she knows that I think she thinks that you are a really normal person because you come across as really normal I think she thinks that you're capable of organizing your time cuz you come across as an extraordinarily capable person and it just don't think there's any way that anybody could know how bad it is and you doing taxes like this is not healthy it needs. I'm going to bed that's not okay for you to be day after day after day with family you need exercise you need socialization like you need to be you need to be human not going in a trailer by yourself you can't do that you can't do that like you can't other people on day three of that would be like I'm done with this and they wouldn't do it anymore and I'm not interested in arguing with you tonight I'm doing that I'm saying that that this is an extreme I have an extreme concern for your well-being okay I'm going to go to bed I'm not doing some like you want to act like I'm trying to argue with you I'm not I'm not I'm telling you that we've got we've got to figure out a way that tomorrow you don't get home from work and think that you should work on taxes that's not true it's no it's it's critical Dustin it's critical you are you are all the things that caused you to be in the the taxes on your list you don't want me to do the taxes that's fine shifting and this is the same thing that's happened all along when you're at Pine Ridge where you any thoughts you you you you you say oh we stop timer but this is not okay for you to spend more than one day on it well it's not a it's not okay it's not okay this is not okay but it's not myself but you know that it's structured so that I can you know that I don't know off of The Facts of what you were doing in 2018 I'm happy to do it for 2020 because I can start keeping up with the receipts and I can be logging them into accounting software and I can do that right now and it's pretty straightforward because we have is rental income and your paychecks and it's all right there but you know that for 2018 you were living your life and you were making financial decisions in a way that preclude me from being able to do it at this point so you need to stop blaming shifting on me that I need to be the one to do it you need to stop blame-shifting on me that it takes you weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks because I'm the one who put it on my list I'm not the reason that you have to do taxes you knew that you knew that taxes for 2018 were going to be due Thurs 15th of 2019 probably when you were ten years old so you've had almost your whole life to prepare for the fact that this was something that you were going to have to do whether you know marriage and not this is not a marital problem but God we are right back to what caused all of your problems to finally blow up and it's much worse now okay well it's much much more interested in with you you don't have to call me and tell me do the taxes faster cuz I'm not going to be able to do them faster take time then you're going to have to know it is time to cry out for help it's time it's time for you to say I can't do this myself
speaker 2: oh
speaker 1: I can't do it I have I have to Outsource this I need help and I can't afford to help because I don't have money but I need I need help because you are one person that you can't you can't do this it's not an argument I'm trying to make it better I'm trying to make it better I'm not trying to cause a problem I'm trying to tell you that this is solvable this is Honorable everybody in the entire country have to file taxes every year off you have no idea what you're talking about is that's true you're lying to me when you say that I have no idea what I'm talking about if you do about me
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: know that we just have this conversation that's plain shifting it's going shifting party you were going in a circle where you trying to blame me you when you say wage okay so if you think you can do so fast and you do it when we've already had a conversation about why I can't do it for 2018 because of the way the construction and lived your life in 2018 so you can put that on me you can't put that on me I know that you were saying that you were trying to do better about keeping up your account in real time so that it wouldn't pile up on you I know that I remember that I heard that but it is definitely interesting for you to say do you think you can do it so fast then you do the taxes from 2018 and I've already explained to you why that's not what what needs to happen right now but you you've also been to tell me that I had no idea what I'm talking about because that's definitely not the case you're lying to me about myself you're trying to take away my identity which is that I'm an intelligent person who did not understand taxes and does understand the process and does no such as being the country has taxes yet you you don't need to replace them you want to take away my actual identity as an intelligent woman understands how capable of violence I know you want to take away the fact that I'm seeing how taxes work and I'm capable of filing them correctly and efficiently you don't need to replace the actual identity with the identity of a person who has no idea how taxes work you don't I'm not going to capitulate to that I get to know who I am and I know what I am so what I'm capable of putting down any possible to do them what what nothing I don't want to argue with you know better I'm wanting to make it better it's not going to get better by you thinking that you can do everything yourself like you have no idea how long your list is just beyond do the taxes there is no way that you are going to survive under the crushing weight of everything that is expected of you said you can't do it nobody can people don't live this way humans do not function this way it's not that's not a criticism of you that's a reality about but what and I is as an organism I want you to be okay I want you to know what it feels like her one day to live a healthy family life I only ever wanted to give that to you I want to spend weekends at the Springs with you I want to go fishing with you I want to recreate when you get off of every day the feelings that you're having that are driving you cannot be able to work on the taxes be able to focus have to go to bed early. Gave you those the sign that is wrong not that something's wrong with you to sign that something is right with you to sign that your body is functioning exactly as God intended and you need to listen to it and not need to make the changes you're not abusing your own self through your decisions of how you spend your time God made you for so much better than what you're doing and you shouldn't treat me like I'm doing something wrong to you I love you enough to tell you that I'm not trying to treat you any kind of way I just can't talk tonight I didn't ask you to talk tonight but you're trying to make it sound like I'm trying to stir up a conflict or criticize you or you just did criticize me know. That's not true you know exactly what I'm doing and it's not trying to criticize I'm trying to help you with your health I care about your actual well-being and you shouldn't light bulb you shouldn't utilize the fact that your mom threw $18,000 at it is a way to get away from home hearing from people who actually live with you in your day-to-day life who actually see what's going on with you like you shouldn't say I paid a professional to tell me I don't need you to that's not an appropriate use of a professional and inviting you to participate that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about like Megan who is not allowed to talk to about anything other than medications off she's never had sex with you to my knowledge so she's never she's never even shared a bed with you for one night to my knowledge like I need to do with anything she's never been able to track your sleep-wake cycles for even one week to my knowledge and if she has she certainly hasn't for a year I mean she like you're talking about a person who is limited to what you tell her about how you live your life when you're out in the real world you cannot I mean you can value what she says is a professional but you can't use that to say that nobody else have a genuine perspective based on real observations because they didn't get the right screen in college like Megan did like you can't that makes no sense that is a completely inappropriate use of hiring a professional I don't I don't deserve to be talked down to like that like I'm invalid because I don't have the right degree you can't hire somebody to replace your family God gave you family God gave you family real people to really love you in the flesh to really know you and know you intimately and he didn't give you that so that you could tell them that they're stupid because they don't have a degree in psychiatry never called you stupid I know but you don't need to tell me that it's inappropriate for me to be giving you advice because I'm not a professional that's that's awful that's awful late that's awful God gave me to you real person that you don't have to pay $18,000 to to care for you I just do it voluntarily wage and I don't deserve to be shut out like that and you are not lie it's to shut out people who really know you I don't I don't believe that it's right you out you did this phone call all right that you out you told me that you didn't need me to be calling and giving you psychological advice when you paid a professional to do that that's not okay it's not okay you don't you don't get the higher professional and then turn around and say okay I went to a professional so now nobody in my real life gets to have an opinion about I'm in my real life because they don't have the right degree for that you can't do that still invite you to go see a professional with me what this is about Dustin we're going to live a real life took it last for more than one hour a week and so if I'm seeing you drive yourself simply to death under the crushing weight of not getting to wreckreate not getting to exercise not getting to be a member of a family not getting to have close friendships not to trust other people but having to work a stressful job and feel like you're not able to focus on this really important tax return that you're way behind on I'm going to say I love you enough that got money for better this can't continue that's not be criticizing you that's loving you and you need real people in your life who can love you in that way to see what you're actually doing on a day-to-day basis and say to you walk into Steele's normal to you but it's not normal you have superhero powers that allow you to do this and you think that the people who don't do this are lazy and irresponsible and you know look at somebody like Shawn you know clocking out of work at 1:00 p.m. to go be with his family and you think there's something wrong with him but yet he's able to have a vibrant family life and he's able to have Leisure Time and there's something in most people that drives them to want to do what might look like loafing but that's a really good and really important part of humanity is to seek Recreation and to Seacrest and to see connection it's a really good thing and you're not going after it instinctively but you can learn to go after it if you'll admit that it's important even if it's not part of your internal drives and you can look at past results and see that putting your nose to the grindstone like this has not worked for U historically it it it doesn't give you the you know Wonderful results that you think it'll give you you don't have any kind of increased productivity because of the hours you put in yep I love you I love you more than I've ever loved you it's nothing I won't do for you don't really know what to say today firing I wish you would say that I wish you would say you'd give up like give up trying to be right about trying to be good enough give up trying to work hard enough give up trying to defend yourself like be willing to rely on other people real people be willing to say that you need help real people be willing to be vulnerable to real people be willing to trust real people it's so much easier it's like I made you for just don't like that and I don't agree and I don't like talking about it and I don't like sharing my thoughts with you because they just make you mad at me you're basically saying is you want me to be somebody else don't like any of the decisions that I make you want me to follow the advice of your friends friends I want you to have your own friends not my friends your friends wow you have a relationship I want you to have genuine relationships with people real relationships with real people that's what God is going to be that's what God Made You for if you read the Bible those are things that God commands you to do you were created to thrive within the context of relationships and you were created to suffer when you reject that and I hate seeing you suffer because I love you and I don't want to be in a relationship again I don't really were you going to say I'm just it's very rude of you and this very unkind for you to lie about me to try to make me think that I'm being selfish for wanting to make you do whatever my friends tell you to do from my benefit that's just horribly manipulative on your part to try to make me believe that lie about myself the truth is that I and I know but the the truth is that wage I'm trying to give you what you want trying to make you understand what you want I want you to trust other people because that's what you've been desperately needing the last several weeks like for me to just keep leaving you list that you're never going to be able to finish is going to crush you the front to back on the phone arguing with you every night I can do. and if the taxes were done it still wouldn't be enough Dustin like you never going to be able to do enough without relying on other people I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about yourself I know but you want me to imagine that I'm selfishly wanting you to change who you are no I don't want you to imagine that that's what I'm saying so you want to affirm that I'm Loving You by trying to help you do what's in your own best interests are you affirming that I live in talking about that that was trying to provide clarity about what you actually want and affirming that that's what you want and then I want you to have what you want are you sending money which that I was you can be dusted nothing that you would want me to make decisions of other people because you like those decisions know there's a reason it's called a disorder Dustin it interferes with huh I'm not a disorder I'm just me yeah but there's a reason that such a thing as a disorder exists as a word and it's because of a cluster of related traits that interfere with your ability to be happy and I need you to be happy for me to be happy and I've spent a lot of my life being happy even though you're not and you've spent a lot of your life being miserable because of how you choose to spend your time and I can ignore that and I can be okay with that and I can ignore that and I can be okay with that but there comes a point where you're miserable miserable and your behaviors get out of control even for yourself and that's when it makes sense to lean on the wisdom of people who see things in a different way and that's okay that's not sacrificing who you are that opens up a whole new world of freedom for you to not be tied down to perfectionism to not be tied down to being good enough to not be tied down to working all the time to not be tied down to having to prove you're right like to be able to just go on walks and put together your daughter's bicycle and teach your daughter to ride a bike and take a walk at Fort Clinch and go fishing game play a board game and trim the trees and just be a person those are not things that would make you have to sacrifice Who You Are that would allow you to be who you are for once without being bogged down and distracted my behaviors that are not working for you regardless of your compulsion to do the behaviors they're not working for you it's okay to give up things that are not working like it's okay to evolve that's not giving up your identity that's just adapting to life which most people do adapt to life most people do make changes how they interact with the world based on how things are working or not working don't really have much to say about any of that right now but thank you for caring about me oh did you did you talk to your new psychiatrist about that fls about ocpd no it doesn't really deal with that I don't think why do you say that cuz she just says drug don't you think that she Taylor's the drugs so what's known to work for what
speaker 2: yeah
speaker 1: so I left there about that are you are you angry at me for learning about it serving about what about personality disorders no I love you and I need you to not use that against me I'm not even going against the 11th I do that oh you've you've rolled your eyes and you have to me and you've made like references I don't even remember I guess when I told you I know that when I told you I saw a joke in the comment section on the YouTube video you you made some more generic remark as though I was you know what I mean inappropriately
speaker 2: you
speaker 1: know what I mean no but I'm sorry you treated me as though I I I I shouldn't be learning about disorders because it would give me a purpose need to do a immature diagnosis okay like that's where I'm getting it all from you know do you recall feeling that way I mean I think that that would just the a generalized true in them I agree and I think that it is not okay for you to take the very real phenomenon that people overwhelmingly do that very inappropriately and try to apply that to me or anything I've ever done that's not you know what I mean that's not fair to me okay the fact that other people do that does that make sense sure like like when I first asked you to look up the diagnostic criteria and you reflexively like wanted to read some article that popped up in Google and it was like no no not that one not that one because I don't do that you know what I mean sure I don't mind using researching stuff
speaker 2: you
speaker 1: know who Todd Grande on YouTube yeah never heard of them he's great he's so good what was that I watched by him today oh I know I watch um it's really good he's got one on what is obsessive compulsive personality disorder he's got one on what's the difference between narcissistic and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder oh he has a good one on empathy empathy with each personality disorder is it the one that I the one who wants today was something like something along the lines of why don't people with personality disorders know that they have a personality disorder cool it was really good I can't find it though why don't people know when they have a personality disorder attack Grande cool I guess that you worry about getting about stuff and then making it functions and that's that's hard for me cuz that not happening is extremely important to me what not happening there's there's some things that you know where I've had to wonder like what is like dust and what is what is he actually thinking you know what I mean especially for that long period of time when you were lying like it's you know and you have to go to see believe what he's saying or does he know that what he's saying isn't true sometimes it's really hard to tell you know so there's that question mark that there's no way for me to get inside of your head to get that answer but I really care and I really want to know or when you're saying something that's so like horrifically you know cruel and you go does he actually think that that's okay or does he know that that's horrible and he does it anyways you know what I mean or like I'm I'm looking at you going like okay did he just do that reflexively because that's the only way that he knows to respond in a conversation or is it like calculated he and he's thought through how this is going to affect me emotionally you know what I mean like there's all these question marks then I I can't get answers to just by asking you the way that you could get answers to What's in somebody's head by asking them dead and in most relationships month so it's important to me to not expose myself to a fiery about what's going on in your head that's going to make me just latch onto it may say oh now I know he definitely knows he's lying when he's lying if that's not you know necessarily the case or know he definitely believes his own mind is with that's not necessarily the case you know what I mean sure like I just I just want to know you know you intimately and I want to be completely open to knowing the truth about you because I I want a real relationship with you I mean was there a point that you were happy I don't know cuz I've never told you how to live your life or where to work all I've done is like do whatever I have to do work as many years as I had to work to make sure that you had the the money to do whatever you want to do with your life but that never made you happy do you still feel like you like Julie better than me never liked Julie better than you know you talked to her about your marital problems right yes you know you didn't actually have marital problems right this conversation you were having with you where she understood you and she got you and she felt what you were going through blah blah blah blah those conversations that you were having with her were based on a fantasy that you were a band with marital problems and that your wife didn't get you and let you didn't feel connected to your wife the reality is you had an individual problems that were separate from being a married man in separate from being a father dead you just had individual problem I'm sure about that
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: mean obviously I had problems so yeah yeah you have problems if you don't take me off the belt Florida do then go fishing with me do you been spending hours talking to me about your feelings there was no distance you know there was no your wife didn't like you like you were projecting your feelings about yourself when you felt like a failure because you lost a ton of money on Bonny Oaks instead of saying I feel like a failure I made that decision I'm not who I want to think I am instead you decided that your wife was having those feelings about you instead put that on me I'll have to think about that well it was a horrible thing for you to do with Julie and it wasn't an accident and it was intentional and it was cheating and it was premeditated and that was an awful lot of assumptions they they're no it's a lot of facts it's a lot of facts that you don't want people to call you out on when you haven't confessed to them but you should have confessed him and you shouldn't be waiting for somebody to ask you that I don't get why you think that wouldn't confess to the truth you you haven't you have it you haven't mentioned to blue ones that you spent a lot of time talking to Julie about your marital problems and that it was cheated and that it was premeditated you haven't brought that up at all you just hoping that nobody will confront you with it because that's uncomfortable for you
speaker 2: you mean it was
speaker 1: premeditated I need prior to calling Julie to talk to her about your marital problems you have decided in your mind that you wanted to talk to Julie about your marital problems prior to going to lunch with Julie you decided in your mind that you wanted to go to lunch with Julie prior to getting up in the morning and making coffee for Julie to make her feel special and make you feel good about yourself you decided in your mind off that you wanted to make coffee for Julie to make her feel special so you could feel good about yourself you you put a lot of forethought in a lot of planning off into how to go about establishing intimacy with her and you decided that you wanted a part of that to be to bash your wife to her so that she could feel love for you and sympathy for you and you could have somebody on your side to think that things you got your life it didn't just happen and you have plenty of people in your life you could have turned to talk to them about what you were feeling about me if you needed to put that was that what you wanted you really wanted to cheat on me and you really wanted to get fulfillment from another woman I'm sorry then why am I the one having to say it I I guess all of that I thought we had already talked about no no there's enough things you've ever said those are things that people have drilled you and drilled you and drilled you with drills you with and you've denied it the night of the night of the ability to design is a died until finally you have to say oh you're right I did I mean I wrote you a letter about the nature of my feelings for her the letter I know but we have the conversation while you were in Honey Lake we had the conversation about the fact that the letter was a lie down and the fact that you worded it in the letter in a way to obscure the truth and make yourself look better than you really were we already had that conversation understand that the case because while you were at Huntington Lake that was the conversation we had a we had a conversation about the fact that you wrote the letter saying that you didn't realize what you were doing while you were doing it you didn't realize what you were doing when people confronted you with it you didn't seem wise what you had done if the hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours of people telling you that they didn't believe you you didn't realize that you had done something wrong Deanna was telling you that she knew that you were to start to not know you're too smart to not know but then after I filed for divorce much further down the line you were able to come around to kind of seeing how you're right you did have an inappropriate relationship and you the only reason that you had wanted to give it up when people told you to was that it was kind of like a security blanket because you felt connected to her and I mean that that just like really dead really disgustingly whitewashes you're cheating like it makes you sound really innocent it's in really like a victim of not being connected to your wife but acting in good faith all along just wondering what to do what is best and most honest like that was an awful a Traverse or a letter you wrote me cuz it was a lie and we talked we have this conversation that we're having right now we have this conversation while you're in your late and while you were in that you like you told me you're right I knew all along I knew when I was Jack is it I knew before I was doing it I had a crush on her I knew when you confronted me that morning and I made her another coffee anyways right in front of you I do win the people from church confronted me I knew when Brianna was telling me but there's never been a time that you've said all those things yourself then you saying you saying oh yeah I guess so and that's not like you're not really at a point of being able to say the words yourself he's not really made an actual confession like you've not even verbally Taken full ownership of cheating on me 18 is on exactly yeah and do you realize like the day that I met Julie my cowl riffic it was that you called me too shamed me into me out and find out what I had said damage control with her and then you called her to express compassion for how awkward that must have been for her like you recognize you but you recognize that you were behaving that way on a daily basis for an extended period of time with me knowing that you were choosing a life with her and her knowing that your wife is horrible but she really gets you and you are connected and appreciate her like for an extended period of time knowing that I felt the way I felt of those that's really felt the way she filed on a daily basis you behaved in that way of looking out for her feelings making sure it wasn't to walk word on her making sure that she didn't feel bad about it making sure that she wasn't made to feel guilty or look bad protecting her defending her character like day after day after day with The Disappearance of thought and emotional energy and day after day after day looking at the home and deciding to work really hard to get us like me and work really hard to make me feel bad for accusing you at her working really hard to make employee not know what was really going on between the two of you and where he's really hard to try to make me think I was imagining it and working really like really hard to make a mistake that I was doing something wrong talking to her it was horrifically abused towards the and it was really really inappropriate emotional protection of her an errand saw that happening and it was appropriate for somebody in your life to tell you that you were doing that and you're wanting to ask like we did something inappropriate by talking about it and you act like the order completely mishandling the situation I did not say that talking about that was an appropriate because because you had yesterday I had no idea that you talked about human I wasn't around when I was home I know but then like that was inappropriate it wasn't inappropriate like you were in blatant you were in blatant sent it wasn't something that you did while I was in Cape Cod and then when I got back you got caught she had to quit doing it like it got worse it got exponentially worse off and it continued and it continued and it continued and nobody could convince you to stop and even after I divorced you or and filed for divorce and even when I moved out and went to the laws and even when I moved back to our house and you were at McDonald's it continues like this is not about you cheating on me while I was in Cape Cod and then not being able to work it out the way that people need to work it out with the counselor for you to be going to work and cheating on me with her and then coming home and when I try to have sex with you you grown at me and tell me you don't even like me Aaron don't do this don't you understand it's about more than a physical for me like what you were doing was really awful for a extremely extended period of time if you wouldn't listen to anybody and nobody was wrong I've already said that several of our elders gave me good advice early on that I should have followed a negative and I'm sorry so that's not their fault but everything that happened after that wouldn't have happened if you'd followed their advice like their fault it's not their fault that I moved out of our home they didn't tell me to move out of our house it's not their fault that I filed for divorce but she didn't tell me to file for divorce like those things happened because of your continued abuse of me and the problem is like when you talk about if you had followed their advice everything would have been okay like that's just evidence that that's something that every every man needs in their life
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: didn't say actually the following Halle Berry I should have probably like the beginning definitely I think that should be a lesson learned for you though and it is saying that well actually no you should have followed all their advice I don't understand that literally was impossible to follow all of their well tell me Well if you just picked one dusted but give me some advice that somebody gave you that you think would have been terrible to follow I don't know they're all pretty bad pick one just tell me one thing that was a bad idea I don't know I have to go back and read I'm not up for this I mean I'm just saying if you if you would if there was someone who told you that you should you know file a motion for 50/50 custody like I would say yeah that would have been good advice to follow I think I would have been just fine and would not have been damaging I think it would have been sorry and if somebody lost it you said that I was abusive and then I didn't care about our children would have said okay but if you go back and read all your Our Family Wizard messages where they were all these threats in there to try to make it seem like I needed to drop my petition because otherwise this is what was going to happen like that was not okay if you want to go back and read the point is from when you got served the papers which is probably what November
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: don't remember all the way until you went into Honey Lake which is probably what January so like two months two months we didn't file anything like that two months you did convince people that I had taken your children away from you you did convince people that I was being unethical in tricking you into thinking something with standard that wasn't long after you did like all these things to make it look like I was being deceptive in keeping two weekends in a row for myself and I mean it was just absurd thoughts on for 2 months and it shouldn't have if you wanted to file a motion file a motion but what you did was fifty million times worse than any advice that's anybody gave you during that time like wage if the four Elders were telling you for completely different things to do related to child custody none of them would have been as bad as what you did so you could have just picked one and it would have been fine but nobody would have told you to go and we've SOB stories to Rodger nobody would have told you to convince your mom that you poor doctor was only getting two hours with his kids on Thanksgiving nobody would have told you to harass your wife and accused her of being capricious and arbitrary least he sneakily giving herself two weekends in a row that's not advice that anybody would give you I mean maybe your mom would but that's how terrible it is I'm sorry that we've been through any of this can you think of that advice that you were given by anyone in our church I think it was all quite obviously bad advice after that initial particular obviously none of them were as bad as what you're actually did so you would have been better off following any of them yeah any of them any of them I think right now at this moment you would be spending with your children ten times the amount of time that you're spending with your children right now if you had been listening to other people's advice listen to all of their advice and they were that you were doing in your messages to me at that time is what caused us to have to continue on in pursuing divorce Club if you had been treating me with respect and kindness the way that any of their strategies would have allowed you to do then I could have called off it's good advice don't abuse your wife don't try to make your wife look bad don't try to make your wife scared of what you're going to do to your kids like be kind and straightforward to make you scared and I'm never home and plus for you can go back and read your messages they were all you're forcing me to do this Aaron like well I'm sorry that I had to say any of that yeah but I'm not hearing that advice that you received from somebody was bad for them to give me some advice simultaneously while claiming they have I'm leadership authoritative role an expectation that I perform when they can't even get on the same page to where it's possible that they were packing page about they were on the same page about the things that the Holy Spirit United them in which were the essentials well I did that outside of outside of that they claimed that I didn't do it wholeheartedly enough or something I am a true so that is most definitely it was when it was when you kept claiming that they had told you to let me choose the time-sharing and I repeatedly try to get your Christmas plans and repeatedly tried to get your Christmas plans and repeatedly tried to get your Christmas plans and you lied and you said that you would take any time that you were off with the children while you do that you couldn't get the time off work to try to make you look like you were always there for your children and wanted all of Christmas with your children even though you do that that would even be the best thing for them for Christmas because you were living in a hotel that was why they were having trouble with it because if you go back and read your Our Family Wizard messages from the 16 okay know you knew but you already knew for Christmas at the McDonald's were going to have family in town
speaker 2: so
speaker 1: you were not dealing with me honestly when I'm messaging you giving you a very generous offers of however you want to Christmas to go and instead of being honest about what you thought would be best for our kids and being honest about what kind of Christmas you'd be able to provide for them to being honest about how much time you could get off of work you kept batting it back at me I'm trying to make me be the one that have to come up with the Christmas schedule that wasn't why the elders asked you to let me choose the time-sharing schedule so that you could turn everything around on me and not have to take responsibility for what you were and weren't able to provide for your kids make me look bad so that you could stop to other people about how your wife kept your kids from you on Christmas what you did you know what time do you have to be good for me on Christmas and I have the kids that you were you were at that same time you were actively soliciting sympathy from a lot of people relative to having your children taken from you you were actively soliciting sympathy in many spheres at that same time that I was having to message you over and over that I couldn't make Christmas plans we couldn't plan our extended family Christmas party we couldn't you know there were already things that the kids were missing out on because I couldn't schedule them because no matter how many times I messaged you you acted like you were exasperated at me because you dog he told me that you would let me pick and it's what the elders told you to do so they weren't saying you didn't do it wholeheartedly enough they were saying that you got that but you understand the problem though is you work in an in genuine like looking at the situation and saying okay I'm going to be deferential Aaron regarding the kids okay and asking me repeatedly she's giving me different options for Christmas and that one doesn't work for me because I've got work so I'm going to tell her that so that if she wants me to like take unpaid time off I could do that because I'm being deferential to her or they won't even let me just need to let Aaron know that if I take the whole week off I'm going to actually lose my job so she can take that into account like you were dealing honestly with me you were dealing in a way to write all these messages to make yourself look perfect and to make yourself look like a victim of me controlling the schedule and make yourself look like a victim of Elders making you deferred wage a wife instead of standing up for your own legal rights like that wasn't appreciated by them because they didn't want to give you advice that was going to put me in a weaker position and make me look worse and make me more of a victim off a pallet was playing out and you can go back and you can leave the Our Family Wizard messages from December and you can see that you were weaponizing their advise against me
speaker 2: I apologize
speaker 1: actually had nothing to do with what I was talking about but I do remember if it's a good things about Christmas yeah that was at the same time like that was you know those at the same time that's I'm saying like you you have to take into account like the holistic situation of everything that was going on and that's something that was going on that made it really obvious that you were willing to say oh I did what was on their list therefore they have no right to complain about me anymore cuz I'm doing exactly what they say to do all the while addressing me and hurting me and victimizing me over and over again sometimes weaponizing their advice which makes them reticent to give you any more advice cuz like I said we give us an advice but then he just uses it to make himself look like more of a victim make Aaron feel worse we can't keep giving this guy advice with he's going to hurt his wife with it and I think that was really wise on there but I still don't it was wise of them to not keep giving you you know lists of things to do that you were going to turn around and weaponize against me and used to make yourself look like a victim there haven't you know there hadn't been like an actual heart change at that point you were doing what was on their list because you were desperate to stop your divorce from going through you wanted to know what you could do in order to be able to claim that I had no right to divorce you that wasn't the same as a heart change that wasn't the same as like repentance it wasn't the same as being ashamed of having hurt me that wasn't the same as making a decision to not victimize me any more thoughts are still doing it I'm sorry right I really was being in a straightforward with you as I as I possibly could I want you to know that like I wasn't I was it ever trying to manipulate you out of time with your children or trick you into thinking something with standard that wasn't or deviously get myself two weekends in a row no I would never do any of that do you know that yes did you know
speaker 2: that
speaker 1: do you think that came from talking to your mom no you just came up with that on hold
speaker 2: I don't know
speaker 1: was there anybody you were talking it was able to serve it but it made sense yeah I'm pretty much everybody but who were you talking to I don't know my workmate like Chris yeah that's awful I still don't hear any bad advice you got
speaker 2: I'm
speaker 1: tired honey go bad you know what I think I think you didn't get any bad advice I know you think that I don't think that's going to change huh but I know you think that I don't think that's going to change I know cuz I right and you won't be able to give a counterexample how long are your stuff I mean I already gave an example I don't think that it was wise of them to be giving me conflicting advice well you were the I know but you were the one who was seeking out advice on topics that you have freedom in Christ to navigate yourself like you understand like the difference between like being in blatant sin and the Holy Spirit unifying them to speak truth to you know to help you like not go down a destructive path the difference between that and then you going to them individually seeking their advice on something that's not a black-and-white right or wrong thing that they have that freedom to have their own opinions about and you have the freedom to choose what you think is best about okay like you know what I'm saying like there's multiple right answers to what should I cook for dinner tonight I interrupted you were you going to say I was going to say how are your subs doing with the pandemic so far fine but I won't be surprised if this affects us at some point you don't know you have no idea yet no I don't think they really do I mean like municipalities with it totally setting the cities shutting cities down so they do that Jacksonville
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: don't think they're just going to keep paying me if we're not actually building houses but but right now you're just able to schedule everybody like you normally do yep and you're able to get materials like you always do I'm sorry
speaker 2: okay
speaker 1: well would you would you rather become a contractor or would you rather become licensed mental health counselor I don't know I'm still not doing very well to be able to think about that would you rather be an accountant I don't know okay do you have a cough yeah I know but still like you're interacting with multiple people no not really terrible yeah you are I wouldn't say I have a car sounds like you have the cough I also have to wonder if at some point the McDonald's would be like you don't need Dustin in our house anymore cuz of Health yeah cuz you're working well it certainly exacerbate so that I would think could we talk to them about it ma'am say anything you know overblown and see a like won't come near me cuz of the six foot rule okay we'll have you asked him are there any precautions you want me to take no I can do that I think some people are like changing their clothes in the garage before they come inside after work stuff like that yeah yeah I can ask him I just didn't want to ask him that and have him come up with something or say no you're fine and then a week from now feel like you need me to move out and feel like you can't say that because we had already told me his requirements or something well that's the conversation right what is as this thing goes on like don't be hesitant to tell me what you need me to do for you to feel safe in your own house I know but that flies but just hate the it's a dynamic situation and you understand that and he's going to feel differently when week to the next and you understand that
speaker 2: I know
speaker 1: but I think by saving it that way there's this implied like I have a right to be here at all it's to it off no oh that's part of it like you can tell you to move out and you understand that yeah I don't I don't think that anybody there is hesitant to kick somebody out and they want to kick somebody out okay unless you get pregnant that's a different story though oh she's oh I know but there was a time of day like really kick out the president Pearson but I think aside from that they they really don't hesitate
speaker 2: yeah
speaker 1: and then you go and Mommy okay I love you all right let me to buy