speaker 1: 
speaker 2: this call may be recorded press one to accept this call may be recorded press one to accept this call Maybe hello did you need to get off the phone I do know I don't know why it disconnected I I don't know what else I could do for you I wish I did there is there is no such thing as a responsible professional recommendations that an abuser and a victim go to counselling together because the counselor participates in re victimizing the victim it's not okay and and and it's not on the books as advice anywhere I don't think any of the professionals that I have interacted with they said I'm at the user data go down I know read every I know read every single article every article the first 100 you don't even have to cherry-pick them read every article first one second one third one fourth one that just one six one seven one-eight everyone returned by Google if you search should I go counseling with abuser and they're going to be married to an abuser I know they're not going to tell you to tell them to a batterers Intervention Program not so that's the reason you need to go because you're too fixated right now on your victim and you need some time to just look at your own behaviors without somebody to ship them literally month that's not true that's not true you're just using all those programs as further blame-shifting can we back telling me that you're the hero doing so much work on yourself and I'm the abuser making you spend all this money and time on unnecessary programs after that month and you didn't use the word hero but you constantly divert to saying I'm literally doing everything I can walk but would you lie to be about pasties and you know that I know the truth about pasties you're not looking at your you're not looking at them behavior and how that's abusive and when you say not a pattern you're not taking into consideration the month gas lighting effect that has on the person who's been battered by you can you say I've got a batter ER like you're holding what I guess I don't know what a batter is if you're saying that I'm a matter UR that's the reason that it's not safe for me to go to counseling with you is because of the impression that you gave Ted when you were with Ted which further victimizes you're Victor the reason it's not safe for me to go to counseling with you is because of the impression that you gave them back who further victimized your victim the reason it's not safe for me to go to counseling with you is because of the impression that you gave Nathan who further victimized your victim like all of those people even making the recommendation that I go into couples counseling wish with you are imagining what I thought I got to go back to work I don't know how to help you I am dumbfounded about the abuse hot what I thought I called them and they said that they would never give that advice to an abuser they advised me not to go and I told them I thought you needed to get into a batterers Intervention Program I don't think that I don't think that I can be in our marriage if we're not going to get counseling I just bought I have I'm saying that when you do that what you're doing is you're asking me to half of the problem you see that we have marital problems at don't and and that's the problem is that our entire marriage I've tried to own my half of it but with me owning my half of it and you not owning that you are an abuser life I've been the one who's had to take up the slack and essentially end up voting everything it's that's not okay it doesn't work I don't know what you being you own everything I did but I don't think I can help you I don't I can't right now but there's still an extent which I'm causing a problem in our marriage we don't have marital problems I but that's the only thing that couples counselor is believable like I don't I'm not trying to upset you but not upset you so much. I have to get like to draw the settled it the way that you described it it is fee for that is going to have to come from the retainer that you have with let's see I don't have anybody you got that what the papers you know cuz you want to have zero culpability for the demise of keeps you want me to have a hundred percent culpability that's really important to you so I'll have to it I'm just don't have anybody else well like I said I can't imagine that I can do anything other than what I'm offering it I haven't said no to doing anything so I guess that's the end they that's not true you said no to getting irritated back country it is I have a photo recording oh you don't yes I do okay you said I will doing that and you said you asking me to do that is in itself abusive well that doesn't seem feel that way but it didn't say that I'm not willing to do it don't see how you twist everything around me that's not twisting anything around the talking about vaccine it's not abusive for me to feel something not a basis you're willing to do anything that you take something I am willing to do anything with that it's taking me to the abuser for requesting it I don't think that there's very many people that are going to say that feasible for me to give up all my legal counsel oh about think she was at everybody thinks that the bad guy I don't want anybody to think that you're a bag but you can get people to say I get what you could get people to say wage I have to what I said through for you to strategically be taking constantly about how this would look like there is a fuser to other people is horrifying and I can't do anything to make it stop will be trying to make anybody think anything about you I still want you to say that to me is really the difficulty of addictive or I mean to say I don't feel comfortable doing that well ma'am I know that you said that he thought it was a bit itself that I would ask for it's not reasonable for you to be here. I have it said no to anything but what that's the kind of thing I should that you're giving me when I tell you things that I need you I don't think that that's a fair for you to be baking for the basics of technicals did not technically use the know I still experienced what I experienced which is horrifying and it's still taking place it was designed to assume if anything because it it's still be ashamed but it's still the guilt it is still appears that I really the abuser is still deceived fear that I've been imagining this all along it's really you're not the abuser really you're the victim of me and like what you've done our entire marriage and it's horrifying sick I see where that leads now because I thought I believed all of that I kept believing all that that kept internalizing all of that for years and years and years and you're still trying to do it you're still young I could be back in to that rule of believing those are two things about myself when really what I'm doing is doable and why that's not right and then say anything that's not true you're saying that you have a set anything but you really didn't told you that I would get my retainer back to you suck I have the phone I have the phone recording for you said that you would wage that was a few days when you came back and said you do it that's still I still had to go through what I had to go through for three days which is harder but that's the same for money that we owned together about what can happen with it if you're inviting me to think that I really the abuser if you're inviting me to think that you're really the victim of that page be added to do with your inviting me to think that I'm the one who should be ashamed of myself if you're inviting me to feel anything like anything that you're saying yes you did yes you did yes yes you did yesterday you to answer I haven't nobody nobody has ever said that you're my abusers wage yes you did yes you did and you constantly turned the tables around you doing it today wage with your open like to believe so I do say that nobody is going to believe nobody is going to believe so but he's going to believe you're saying. Nobody's going to believe you about what you've experienced. Nobody's going to believe you nobody's going to characterize actually happened is being used to not everybody else to say that for me
speaker 1: what
speaker 2: my kids are here can you hold just a
speaker 1: minute.