speaker 1: 
speaker 2: this call may be recorded press one to accept hello this call may be recorded hello hey Mario hi I'm on A1A and back towards the island I just wanted to check in and see if you want me to go to the McDonald's or come over there be able to work on taxes right I mean I've talked to hook up the hard drive but yeah I do you have the hard drive right yeah actually still be my desktop is your desktop office I think so you have to come here to get your desktop yeah I guess though okay after that I stay away till you finish taxes click and stuff like that but I think that you I think you should not be spending the extra you know Thirty forty five minutes a day commuting to the Long Island to see us when the whole reason you're not living with us is because you're trying to rectify how messed up our family is so you need to make things right in a lot of ways okay okay so you never should have gotten behind on taxes in the first place you should be a 2018 taxes you should do your 2019 taxes you should do all of your data entry job Centre and bookkeeping for 2020 you should quit smoking you should figure out what other people you've heard of the last six months figure out how to make it right with them and you know your appointment scheduled okay is that okay with you I guess may I can't imagine that you would want to just insert yourself back into our home life with things worse than they were before just breaks my heart to be like cast in this role as a wife having to like make rules and requirements for you to do like what any decent father should be doing without being told I'm going to go okay I don't think I don't think I deserve to be treated this way I don't think I think that you should not choose to be emotionally upbeat and kind towards me when you're wanting to get into my house and have no strings attached access to money everything that a family can provide for you and your happiness and then treat me coldly and emotionally punish me and deprive me of your pleasure with me if I hold a boundary but you actually do what you're supposed to be doing as a father before you access all of those benefits I think that that's emotionally manipulative towards me I'm not trying to be difficult I know but I'm saying that you're capable of choosing differently you're capable of finding favor with me even when I'm holding reasonable boundaries you're capable of not changing whether you treat me warmly With Me coldly based on whether I'm letting you have everything you want without strings attached you're capable I know you can do it don't let your page I know you're capable of hearing me say like there's all these things like you dammit but you need to focus your attention time and energy on so that you can return to being a member of our household you're capable of hearing that and saying yes you're right that's exactly the man I want to be I'm so glad that you understand that right now I can't be there for dinner with you guys every day and so glad that you're holding down the fort giving me the time to play catch-up because I've really gotten behind on being a good husband and father I want you to know I'm going to stay up late and I'm going to get up early put as many hours as I can and to getting the taxes done as fast as I can because you mean everything to me and I want to be with you because I'm very very clean and then you as a wife you can have reactions to my boundaries that affirm your love for me and affirm that I am still valuable to you and I'm still worthy of you off even when I'm not let you letting you trample all over me cuz if you're going to choose to be Giddy and happy towards me when you're getting whatever you want from me without having to pull your own weight and then you're emotionally cold and you'll be say things like I got to go when I'm asking you to do things I should never have to ask it's not my fault that these requests are crossing my lips lots of women go their whole lives without having to make these kinds of requests and I'm the one who has held against me that's great great position to be in for me you know I can receive once a month as long as I'm a doormat we should be fine with me if it wasn't so destructive don't you need your computer right yep let me come get it right I don't think I can live like this I glad If U treating me like this it's possible don't understand that you're being ugly and cold to me and you're displeased with me and you just find it that you're choosing to do that only because you found out that they're going to be requirements for you to rejoin our household you understand that that's an emotional punishment to me and you understand but I just went like through this whole bottle monologue of wonderful things that you could say to affirm the rightfulness of you taking those steps to restore your family before you Leach all the benefits of family life from us it just tells you what you could say I don't know I have a very different view of both sides of that but yeah your perspective of it you can affirm me you can affirm that you find you can confirm that you find favor in the end you pleased with me and you love me and I'm a good servant to you love you to make an amazingly happy home life for my children despite some really really really really dark things happening around them and in front of them accessing no Dustin this financial denial you've been living in four years your inability to sit down at a computer screen and just complete simple input and simple computations that are almost all adding and subtracting that are done by a computer without having to poison your body with nicotine oh you're talking about yes you do Dustin's are you do you are completely in denial other men do not spend as much time away from their job is to do taxes if you too it's not necessary it's not normal it's really bad it's really bad not everybody is this far behind I mean like maybe you don't see it but everybody else sees it everybody else needs it everybody sees it I don't even know you're talking about bielski flat you hear me hey sorry about that everybody be quiet you have major major deficits of insight into your own behaviors and how they affect the people around you yeah hold on all right I'm sorry about that are you there yep yes functioning people can add and subtract and see that your way in the red is that you don't have the money to spend on the vape pen and know that buying a vape pen when you owe your children thousands of dollars that you took without their permission is not being a good provider not being a good father and that your first priority is to restore the ways that you've sinned against your family and that you don't have any entitlement to your family when you're doing things like that and then if you have a stress problem to call me and you don't need me to what I don't need you to call me and say this to me well if that were the case we wouldn't be in the situation I think that you called me and I think it's because you're hoping that'll invite you over for dinner and I think it's because you want to be a part of our family life and have all the benefits of family life you want the joy and the pleasure that I can bring you do you want the joy and the pleasure that children can bring you you feel entitled to all of that Joy you feel entitled to all of that pleasure and if I'm giving you all the joy and I'm giving you all the pleasure and I'm giving you all the service and I continue to do that for 15 years that's a long enough period of time to notice that you don't take Serious late your responsibility exercise non abusive Behavior toward that wife and that shipment those children I don't agree with that I'm holding a boundary you already helped the boundary know I'm holding the know I didn't you were here yesterday having meals with us like I'm holding the boundary but you don't need to just well back in and if you know all of this when you're still doing the same thing. it's going to come get my computer okay I'm just destined I was just saying that it's not going to work out between us is holding a completely reasonable boundary that I should cover even have to speak in the first place because it's not self-evident is going to cause you to feel sick yesterday or resentful towards me or angry towards me I'm just doing what you're asking me to do what Boston I'm just doing what you're asking me to do I know what I'm saying that you shouldn't have changed your demeanor and manner of speaking toward me a package on discovering that I have reasonable expectations of your behavior if you want to be a part of our family life finding out that information should fill you with appreciation for me and it should fill you with joy at your opportunity to love us in that way yes ma'am trying to do what you want sounds like you're trying yeah absolutely upset it is very terrible to put a woman in the position you've put me in and it is very very terrible to treat a woman the way you're treating me I'm just absolutely asking me to do that's not truthful Destin the truth no need to be truthful the truth is that when you heard but not expecting you to do taxes and quit smoking and stuff like that before you start spending time at our house you immediately chose to treat me much differently back then you were treating me when you had an expectation that you were going to get no strings attached access to domestic life with us that's the truth that's something that you know for certain it's not something that we disagreeing about it's something that is absolutely evident to both of us that's what you need to be aware of I am aware of that I know you need to accept that that's truthful truthful and that is bad it's a bad thing to do to a woman it's bad I don't know what I don't agree with you it doesn't mean that I'm not going to do it I just don't agree I don't you're saying you don't agree that I should expect those dates from you I have currency to see my children I can't believe that you would think so low to find me in that way with you know better think what think so low to frame me in that way you know better about me you know my character you know what kind of mother I am you know what kind of wife I am you know how good my judgement is and you want to take the most amazing wonderful things that I've done some of the hardest things that a woman could ever be expected to do and you want to frame them in the ugliest way possible to portray me as having low character and it's not my fault that I'm in the situation no it wasn't should be in the situation no woman should be neglected the way you've neglected me no woman should have to see her children stolen from by the person who's supposed to be building well for the children you have been building welfare money came out of that account has a necessary part of the tax code it's not my fault it's not your fault nobody saying anything is your phone not my fault the situation is your fault it's your credit for it I did it it's sad no no taking responsibility for it would be going full steam to fix it before anything else actually I'm not you want to say I'm holding something out as currency but I shouldn't have to say that it's self-evident it's evidence to everybody what you're that you have a responsibility you have reached things up really bad you have responsibilities to make things right that you broke horribly what you've been doing to us for years has been abusive we are suffering you did it you did it actively and it was awful and we're still suffering I shouldn't have to ask you to make it right I shouldn't have to ask you to file the taxes off somebody said you have to ask me to file the taxes I know but when I tried to hard Say it'll be it shouldn't be currency to see my own children like that's terrible Dustin that's terrible that's terrible that's terrible I'm sorry I said that that's terrible sorry what was you said it one time but you know you treated me like that the motion you found out that you don't get to do whatever you want with your family anymore without having to be responsible that's when you started treating me like that woman long before you said it I was calling to see if I could come see you and you were jovial and you were kind and you were they said lots of false things about me related to our finances and taxes and fees and taxes I didn't I did it from my children which I wouldn't have that and would not be talking about if you did the after-the-fact all of those things happen after the fact all of those things were things that I said in response and happened that they happens after the fact I know after the fact after what you already did right so first before or any of the things that you just made before you did before because no no it does it matters it matters because I shouldn't have had to say those things I shouldn't have been involved in that position for them at all you know it matters it matters because I shouldn't have been put in the position of needing to say those things I said I need to say that was and what you're doing is you're taking emotional abuse that you inflicted and you're looking at the pain that was caused from somebody and you're looking at their self defense for your aggression and you're trying to divert attention away from your original sin by pointing fingers at what somebody's reaction was to being abused I don't know you're talking about that's not okay I know so instead of talking about what happened after you did the same that was bad and hurtful you can you can actually actually thought about what you did that was bad and hurtful so you shouldn't have to point to all the stuff that happened after it in reaction to it and say that makes me a bad wife what you actually did was as soon as you heard that there was going to be a boundary on you spending time here at the house with me and the kids and that I had expectations that you make things right that have gone really wrong in the past you immediately changed demeanor toward me you changed your attitude towards me you changed your expressions towards me but you became cold and became distant and you spoke to me in a way that expressed resentment and contempt and instead of saying I love you I got to go that is emotional manipulation even if you're actually feeling satisfy the news that still emotional manipulation because what you're doing to me is you're acting on a decision that you've made to be loving and kind and walked towards me when you get unlimited access to the joys of family life without any strings attached and you're telling me that if I'm going to have any expectations of you off to actually take care of us and actually do the things that other husbands do without having to be asked then you're going to be a cold towards me and I'm going to place you and I'm not going to get more information on our taxes I've been asking for weeks for the hard drive so that I can do my taxes I know making all things that you think it's reasonable that you were coming here and hanging out while we were waiting for the hotel to get ready now it's ready if there's not a reason for you to be here you earned that right you've not shown me that anything changes with Honey Lake I'm not being unreasonable and and you're trying to blame this all on me like I've done something not done anything wrong I'm I'm not I'm not I'm the recipient of your emotional abuse when you find out that you don't get whatever you want without having to pull your end as a husband and a father but that's me being a victim and I didn't choose to be a victim you chose that it's not all right it's not all right I told you on the phone exactly what you could have said that would have been loving and warm towards me even when you were disappointed you're the one who chose to treat me the way you chose to treat me and you're the one who's well aware that's going to affect me in the future because you can't expect a woman to get treated that way for fifty years I can't you know that so you know that you're leaving you with no choice except to give up all of my boundaries and let you screw it over again and again problem is I'm not going to let that happen cuz I let my kids too much and they deserve better I