speaker 1:  this call may be recorded press one to accept hello Hi how are you good thanks for sending a check oh you're welcome did you talk to Megan no no I didn't she told me she talked to you but she can look on the crime the talk about medicine cuz that's really hurt call here okay but she also said that she knows that Free By the Sea and she's definitely not in favor of me doing anything remotely like that that I need stability and not an added she thinks that I just need to get back into a normal routine as much as possible but she also thinks that I should be working G had pretty much said the same thing okay did you think I should go back to our church okay did you mention the abuse to them though no I mean then that's what's confounding like I don't know how to mention the I mean I tell them that you say that I'm abusing you do you like just tell it like a narrative where you just have like a what you did and what you said not telling them what my perception or my opinion or my reading of it was or how I'm labeling it but if you just like just tell them the word you said and what you did I do that as much as good as I can do yeah I do that and I'm like I stocked my wife down a hallway to evade the communication boundaries that she set up after telling me many times that she was fearful of my presence and use a harsh tone to try to make her ashamed of having a man over in our kitchen and the licensed clinical social worker who happened to hear from the next room was beautiful for her safety based on the tone that I used like is that how you tell it or do you say she says that I'm being used but I I told them about when we were at the log house and I forgot about the church but I was not trying to make you fearful and I wouldn't do that to you is that what you said to them I wasn't trying to make her beautiful and I would never do that to you or did you say she said to me she said to me that you were you need to stop blaming and shaming and manipulating and if you want to talk about the children's education we can do that if the next words out of your mouth are trying to make me ashamed that I'm going to have to ask you to leave because this is upsetting to children and the next words out of your mouth where I know but the next words out of your mouth works it's not about that it's about you need to be able to talk to me in order for us to co-parent you had no right to enroll them in school without consulting me and I said that's not actually talking about the children's education that's trying to make me feel guilty about what I did I'm going to have to ask you to leave and you said well I'm the father had no right to enroll in school without consulting me and I said I would like you to leave now home and I'm going to ask Kevin to back me up on that and then when you went and talked with Kevin on the porch and Brianna asked you to leave you looked at Kevin and you said I thought this is your property to man and then I messaged you resent that I wasn't welcome there and I was weird and I were talking I know but she's a female and she was uncomfortable with normal man want know you turned the Kevin you said I was of the opinion this is your property to man you already understand that but we were engaged in a conversation that he was indulging in with me it wasn't not welcome I know but she wasn't she may need to feel fearful review he's male the females on the premises were fearful and uncomfortable and that's a normal thing for a chivalrous man to wash protect females from you were not in protect females would not have those left when you asked me to leave and I left when she asked me to leave not truthful that's not typical you did not ask when I you did not leave when I asked you to leave yes I did that's why I was in front of their property on the porch with Kevin no no when I asked you to leave you stood there and you again told me that you have the right and I should have no right and I shouldn't have after I asked you to leave the school you talking about enrolling our kids in school without telling me I'm talking about different spend their you send it for forty-five minutes saying the same thing over and over Dustin and I told you that I was happy to talk to you about the children's education now that we have a third party but if you were only going to continue trying to shame and blame me I'm not trying to shake shack sign in when Simon was emotionally upset that adults were not caring for him but instead we're speaking the harsh tone towards one another like I I'm just saying it's not like you showed up and you said that and I said leave and you left it's like you have to work and warned and warned that people were uncomfortable after demeanor no it's not and needs to be a forum honestly, I can voice my opinion about what happens with their kids and it should be an advance of making the decision that's all I was saying and it wasn't that you were dead engaging in these types of aggressive manipulative change shifting blaming behaviors that are ugly and scary for women and every man who sees it sees that it is scary for a woman to be spoken to that way every woman who sees it she's that it's scary to be spoken to that way and if you saw another man took another woman that way you would notice that it was aggressive with with the tone of voice that you do with the entitlement that you do with the Judgment that you do with the blame and that you do it's it's it's very very very belittling and it's a very scary and so if you don't give it the full context of hey this has been going on since 11th grade and it's really dark and it's really ugly and it's really been effective for me and getting my wife to let me do some things that are really destructive to our family without any accountability and when she asked me to leave I still stood there a certain my right to have a forum to have decisions about my children that are major come by me before they just do it without my knowledge or consent like a 6th Ave and I asked you made those things I mean to leave and I did leave I just this is not used to get sick and it wasn't until I said I'm going to ask Kevin to back me up on this that you left okay and it was the same thing with Breanna Breanna ask you to leave and you didn't care you had every right to be there regardless of how I felt were in was going to leave the front porch working on the issue is because we were sitting in the chair and then the talking to me and you said I was at the impression this is your property to man great and you said no snow and I left but he was appalled that you wouldn't respect his wife on her own being uncomfortable with your behavior and she was appalled that you would not change that on your own the fact that she was uncomfortable with your behavior that's objectively appalling and you've done that to me for use and you've gotten really comfortable doing it I'm just saying that what you're paying for them is a really really innocent man who's really being loving and really being reasonable and has a reasonable concern that any gases better Highway, yeah it's about his children more than one them that they needed ignoring me and I just don't know what else to do honey in but have to listen to their advice about not losing my mind and then you need to have stability but do you understand that what that does continuing to work on myself and I understand that you're defending some pathological behavior that you did at Kevin and bought a house that's a sin problem I believe and I don't think that the professional psychologists that I have hired things that
speaker 2: I'm I
speaker 1: don't think that they think that I'm aggressive I don't think that they think that I don't think that they think of that you're not presenting you're telling you right now with your wife and she left and you're telling me right now that we're going to ask you to leave the law house us those are two lies two consecutive live rep that represent that you are the pillar of male respect for females when a woman asks me to leave even though I have every right to the best father in the world and not care about my children and shouldn't have decisions made without my consent irregardless of my complete entitlement to presents and shaming my wife as soon as she spoke to her office I immediately left because I'm so respectful like the only reason I was there and then you just told me to talk to you and the other people but the two lines in a row you left when I asked you to leave why you left him bring it ask you to leave why those are two big huge lies that cover up the fact that you were behaving aggressively and it was scary I'm very very sorry but how are you going to get better if you're telling people different stories I am going to continue to go to therapy I'm going to continue to represent you as my wife as somebody that I care about these opinion means more to me than anybody else on the planet Earth what about CA he's way more objective than I am his way more experience than I am extremely that if used by you I'm just saying like I'm being advised that we should not interact with I should not at least interact with that church anymore which is sad to me off but it is because what that does is it stops you from having to deal with your guilt over sins that's what you had have lots of deals over sin that I have done to you and I've expressed to you and I know you've got lots of behaviors that you're pretending or what emotionally wounded me you want to pretend that you're sorry that you neglected me you don't want to take me as that we certainly do need counseling and that it would be extremely harmful to not see a licensed therapist and that we need to consider doing that if we're going to work together but we don't have a marital problems Dustin I mean it's either internal however it's not but regardless I need to show me I'm her life and reality is you could use your Y and it's it's somebody tells you that you're not but there's nothing wrong with the truth that other people have told me that there's no reason there's no reason to deny that you blame shifted and you denied and you lied in front of people's faces long as there's no reason to say that it's their fault that you're feeling grief I don't right now it's not their fault that you're feeling grief over your sin God I it's not their fault they didn't do anything anybody's and I feel grief over fan don't think that then why would you want I'm just saying like literally name one thing that Aaron has ever pointed out in you that he was wrong about you can't Point anything out ever find anything out on me that I should quit my job and then I shouldn't speak to Julie and I should have listened and okay so the very first advice he gave you he was right about and he didn't follow it but then an elaborate scheme of cover-ups followed and that elaborate scheme of cover-ups included in a really creepy stuff that he hadn't seen before I'm just saying you're admitting that the first thing he told you was right I know I'm just saying if there was anything Aaron said that was off base then this would all make sense but when literally know like you can't name one off just because he didn't you can't I got I've got to go to class right now I mean he's spoken a lot of generalities without being able to provide any example that's not true work through that's not true that's not true he was so specific showed up in his office and he said we know that you're not going to quit your job and it's amazing that you have a wife who's willing to work through this with you even though you're still working very closely with the woman who you cheated on her with here's what I want you to do with this week Thursday I want you at some point in the next 7 days to sit down and brainstorm ways that okay you're leaving your house at what 6 a.m. brainstorm ways that you could leave your job 4:30 p.m. and that would get you down to fifty Hour Work Week and you said I'm not doing that okay like you wanting to say that he would work instead of and the second week okay you didn't do what I asked you to do you're not going to even think about ways up right now. But a but saying that that's not true it's not true it is a generality about Aaron and it's not true about him but what he did for you was give you some really concrete steps that were every single one of them completely spot-on without exception wage I'm sorry I got to get going but I continue to get Counseling and as much as you can help me with it I will be very grateful I'm going to have to make some decisions about where I live and I have to make them in for in the based on what people are saying is going to keep me going I'm doing it all out of my best idea of how to be good for you well and you going to have to let go of the delusion that Aaron spoke in generalities
speaker 2: you're
speaker 1: going to have to have to let go of the delusion that he was ever all space about something because the behavior that you took in the church hallway is the behavior that I've been experiencing behind closed doors for fifteen years and that anniversary letter you wrote to me would you come up with all these things to be sorry about like not respecting my domestic abilities like that's a euphemism for I knocked you to the ground and bruised you I don't recall ever doing that but honestly it happened it happened like there's there's no way that you're blocking out all the physical violence that happened there's no way that you could possibly block out all the physical violence particularly at South 18th Street and particularly at Family Drive I it was so common for me when I still really have to go and I have honestly have no idea what you're talking about but it was so rooting for us that I can't even like tell you all the situation literally dozens of times that you wrestled me down on the bed and got in my face and told me I was crazy or out of line or I can't I can't get into that with you cuz I don't recall it and I'd have to go or I'm going to be in trouble here I'm already paid off okay I love you very much I'm sorry that we are in this place. I got to go there I'm sorry all right bye-bye