speaker 1:  this call may be recorded press one to accept this call may be recorded press one hello I am good how are you I'm hanging in there that's good but that I said good good what unless you what I might I might be able to help you have some options for what you're going to do next week you're welcome she needs to tell me something yes I said did you need to tell me something I don't know I can most talking about having to think back in the day again did she say why because I'm suicidal and I think that me willing to do whatever you want to do disappearance that that you're what
speaker 2: this I know yeah
speaker 1: or likely to be the final if I do
speaker 2: it sorry
speaker 1: obligated to tell your mom that right and you say like if you need something from your mom I think she's made it pretty clear like she'll you know what I mean provide for you or get you a plane I can't tell her that can you repeat that I'm not going to tell her okay
speaker 2: okay
speaker 1: I don't know if I should stay here though why's that I don't know what sorry can you repeat that I said lie so I think you should leave yeah why did you just State why did you just say that you don't think you should stay I understand that that's what I thought you just said I'm sorry what did you just say you think I should know before that the previous thing that you said before that I thought you said what I thought that I heard I don't think I should stay here I don't know what I think I thought I was asking you if I should say here no previous to that I don't know I don't remember that okay I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't understand have you go ahead about me going I'm not sure yet have you have you had any fights while you're there with other people besides me what oh okay I'm sorry I didn't get your results back from doctor I know that was important to you left me a message this morning saying it would be into this early next week okay even talk to you no I still was unable to open all the files from your servers you sent me a couple of passwords for your computers did the did they have like a log in to go with them only pastors they have it's two passwords what yes do you feel like you understand yourself better likes about getting the report from dr. pop like you can kind of verbalize it yet a lot of surprising to you all right more confident I haven't understand what I feel more and more confident that I understand what happened what do you mean I can have it Nissan understanding of I why you what what I've lost you I can't hear you I don't have a well let me all right what were you saying and I think I have a okay about why I was so much why you what I can't really hear you all right sir you said you have a good idea of why you work so much and stuff it's a 19 the collective you and I I and why you what sports so much your audio is cutting out hello are you there oh hey it's within here I went to dinner I think you said that you feel like you have a better understanding of like to work so much and neglected me why I was dead why it was easy for me to connect with Julie why it wasn't easy for me to let go of that right but none of those things are like you make me look really icky and really pathetic when you imagine a world where I would leave you over were you imagine a world where I would leave you over any of those things that's like a you know what I mean that's just so far like miles beneath me I don't understand but it's saying like if you walk around two people going I neglected my wife so bad I worked all the time I had an emotional affair I wouldn't let go of my emotional affair and now my wife is divorcing me like I would feel really bad for you because that's a really Unfaithful life she's clearly pretty emotionally weak and pretty pathetic and needy and seeking whatever's best for herself in this world like start and all the things that you're all the things that you're naming that you did are like normal things that lots of men goes through and lots of families go through and not you know what I mean not that far off but I mean that's he's like that's kind of the extent of your understanding of this point yeah so okay I just asking what's your schedule for the rest of the day it's a great day for okay 6:30 got a good a group that for and then right after that I've just got a tiny amount of time to get dinner before classes 6:30 basically busy until tonight okay then you can did you see tip today I'm not prepared for you but you send my group at 4 but doesn't really good very deep into stuff okay kind of need to figure out if I should stay here you still saying though because what I need to alert them and then my mom to pay if I'm going to stay here okay I'm leaving your on Saturday and I actually that if I leave and they think I'm not safe and they're going to take me to the hospital and I'm going to be stuck in there figured you know how long he's really knows how much money
speaker 2: okay
speaker 1: why did you say that you wouldn't call Kevin I want to talk to anybody
speaker 2: okay
speaker 1: I mean that's that's dangerous you realize right I think it would be more dangerous than you to talk together than to not talk together why do you think that it hasn't and then he doesn't care about me and don't need to talk to him but like not talking to him is what lets you imagine that he doesn't care about you no I tried to talk down and disregarded me for an extended period of time and then it's not who I need to be engaging with not mad at him it's just not going to help me four people here think that I can't go to that church yeah I don't know what the last I mean yeah toucan yeah I mean yeah Kevin doesn't care about you then obviously you shouldn't talk to him or be friends with him or go to a church with him but if Kevin loves you and cares about you like then you should not live in denial you know what I mean you're you're choosing false beliefs about yourself and you're choosing false beliefs about other people and it's all kind of a cover-up
speaker 2: really just
speaker 1: relying on people that have been trying to figure out my psychological state yeah but I just wonder how people can know like the difference between sorry go ahead every time they try and tell me like you as an example that you're doing something wrong or bad I always push back and I say that you're the most trustworthy person that I've ever met I met with you yeah is that like in terms of making about Kevin but honey like for me is that like in terms of like thinking about me wanting you to think there's something wrong with you when really what you need to hear that I'm not manipulative or lying I'm not like that which would make me the gas lighter I always tell them that I believe you right but that that makes you look like a victim of gaslighting and it makes me look like a very very cunning manipulator hold on Thursday and I think I have to clarify I think he said that
speaker 2: he
speaker 1: understood where I was coming from after talk to you about a time to talk to you I think he's really hoping to get my results back from the stock there and that's not going to happen unless I say and yeah you understand what I'm saying though about the role reversal I understand what you're saying and that's always going to be the there's always going to be the case with people who don't know like those fools home details of everything you've done which I know I'm just saying like the people who like only met you recently or don't know are you're always going to appear to them as the victim of a manipulative lies it's not things that I'm saying that I know I'm just saying that means that they can't I know I'm just saying that somebody who is is sinking that way about you and trying to help you took a logically isn't actually able to because they don't have a way to distinguish between hey buddy the toilet off the front yard and he came out with a dog is the cutest thing ever oh my gosh baby I need oh okay we need to put all this money okay well she's a place that won't work all right let me just you just yeah he cannot cuz I heard him to tell you so how do you know when I hear something happens like that Tuesday Thursday I think I'm going home I'm going to wash my hands because I'm the one has thanks like you could yes I was on the toilet today when he was always on the toilet with him I was on the toilet today when he came and said Mom can I do a painting job and I said yes and I said yes so he goes mom I mean I mean like a picture can I paint I said you asked me that and mommy said yes because can I ask that I go and mommy said yes and he can smoke you know I'm just doing it for an advertisement can I pay and Mommy said yes can I pay and Mommy said yes ma'am an advertisement off my kids are I it I really don't know what to believe but the people here say that they have worked with a lot flat live a very dysfunctional manipulative people and that they're extremely skilled at figuring out who's doing it and the they don't believe that I'm like that anyway like I said I haven't seen manipulative well within ten minutes she had named like five different manipulative things that he sees in you and I'm just like you don't call that manipulative and he's like no I work with drug addicts you know really manipulative people and like okay so it's whatever he's not overly trying to con you of thousand dollars but you clearly see how he's yeah telling you what he wants you to know and not telling you what he doesn't want you to know evidently a different word for it you
speaker 2: know off yeah I wish you could talk to
speaker 1: Megan yeah I mean I'm sure she would say the same thing but it's just very focused and very why is in helping me yeah and she's smart and see I don't know I know she thinks the same thing I don't know so anyways I I send about against your mommy and I see what against you a lot yeah and I don't know it's just psychological access to pin it on I think that I just like them because you're naming things that typical women have a problem with because their self-esteem is so low and they're things that I don't have a problem with because I don't rely on you for my self-esteem and so they look very normal if you if you try to tell people that that something you did against me that offended me but if I had a problem with any of those things we wouldn't have made it took a year we wouldn't have made it through 10th grade you know but the things that like the things that you do like yesterday when you were trying to convince me that confronted me in the church hallway was like my fault for having a man over or you're right because you're my husband or not threatening because you didn't say you were going to hit me with a baseball bat or North like all of those. Hold just long laundry list of techniques that you have to twist a situation around to keep you from having to say I shouldn't have done that is my whole life and I don't feel like that's the Crux of what you tell people that you've done wrong to your wife I don't feel like you're saying you know what I mean in high school I threatened her that if she didn't tell her mom that she thought about having sex with Vincent and I was going to tell her mother like I don't feel like it's off that I don't feel like it's convincing everybody at the church that we're such a team that it's really are and who's wanting you to live away from family and work elsewhere I don't feel like say that again like like even in your letter on our anniversary you made an issue out of me being the one who's completely on your team with your work situation and that is really like like a low blow like that's a low blow of taking advantage of the fact that you have a seriously seriously package submissive wife like a very passive very supportive to the point of view but you're saying you're on my team you you've tried to make out that you have no responsibility for the fact that you chose to sleep away from us when you are flipping houses because I was your fifty-fifty partner in that decision you make it out like like I did as much brainwork on that. Listen everything that happens in our family is my responsibility and I said not I'm thinking way you speaking right now doesn't allow doesn't allow people to understand what's going on with you psychologically it makes it all seem very normal oh he's worked too much wage she's a sensitive pathetic woman like thunder sensitive pathetic women we know if she got offended that he didn't spend enough time with her we can see that it was probably her love language to have quality time and now she's out to punish him by trying to convince him that he's crazy you're speaking in a way that's not similar to how you always spoken and you need to accept that you definitely twist things around on me and and what I'm saying is like we got to see that on a really really a really high level of twisting things around on the and making things be my fault the last six months excellent things that that was your fault I think that it was my fault I know but right now you're not like admitting to the fact that you've twisted so many things around on me our whole marriage so if you see it now off of repent it that's great but I don't know how you're repenting if you won't admit that it happened for Seventeen years straight you're actually pretending it didn't happen now that you're not doing it anymore all of a sudden which makes me look like a gaslighter and you're making me look like I made it all up never do these things that I'm making up but we have witnesses and the witnesses you're saying that you need to isolate yourself from not I'm not saying that they're saying that here and that's because you're not just because they don't know what you actually did they think that you've elected me and spent too much time away from me and had an emotional affair they don't know that you actually where the one gaslighting me for years you don't they don't know I don't have that letter in front of me right now I'm sorry I guess just a letter it's hard cuz I know I'm just telling you that that from where they sit it's completely reasonable on their part to think that the rules are reversed and and I told Brianna that the day you checked in was like he is going to present as the victim because he's going to sound like he's so submissive to me he's going to make it look like I'm trying to make him think he's crazy which is what you've actually done to me for years you've actually asked me to accept the idea that I'm emotionally unstable when I cry you've actually asked me to own all of the things you've been doing as if they're me doing them he if you've wanted to tell me that I argue for the sake of arguing I hope that you some healing obviously different ring to you what have that my decision to defer to you to see some healing I'm not broken. That's that's when you say that I need healing when you sit that I need healing you're doing it just putting your broken and I know but you need that I need healing no relationship needs healing no relationship with your relationship with Kevin Gates feelings your relationship with your relationship with Jack needs healing your relationship with Aaron needs I'm the target victim sorry okay need to figure out if I'm staying here another weeks they're trying to figure out if they're going to Baker Act me and I decide choose to engage with the curve that will at least influence their decision all right do you do you know Baggins extension wage yes all right I'm actually sorry I think if you call up here and ask her again like dead talk to her okay and I want you to let you know yeah okay trying to see if I have her email okay. must be Megan Davis which is MD Honey Lake Clinic oh it is the service number do you have her number Select me first giving it to you but I'm going to do it. Hold on hold on hold on start over
speaker 2: one nine nine seven
speaker 1: one nine nine seven extension 83117 the extension 63117. I don't know if any better email her since she's not expecting to call her okay but you feel like it's obviously her decision but the dog on the phone like to discharge well I'm sure it's a collaboration between her and said okay I mean I don't know I did not ask your permission to give you their numbers so I asked I told her today or which that he would talk and she just kind of blew me off so okay
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: mean you see the behaviors I'm talking about like I've been able to point them out over the last two weeks you can see it right I see what you're talking about with like like when I say you're emotionally punished punishing me see that and when I say you're changing the subject you see that when I say you're Shifting the blame you see that I'm sorry let me sometimes I see it okay I'll let you guys are starting for the emphasis today is really warm very warm but I'll get one stacked you get the other buddy today's very warm here so the locks are getting started so let's getting started yeah yep yeah yeah yep yep you got it sorry I got to get going
speaker 2: have you
speaker 1: all right you know what I'm talking about right yeah okay sometimes I see it and I'm working on seeing it more okay bye I love you bye