speaker 1:  this call may be recorded press one to accept hey oh hi how's it going
speaker 2: good we have the game last night went into overtime
speaker 1: yeah
speaker 2: so we were up extra late and everybody was cranky this morning
speaker 1: oh no
speaker 2: so we're running a little late I think we might not be there till 12:45 is that okay yeah ironically I think Simon will probably be dead because he's so tired he's able to nap in the car all morning oh cool whereas the rest of us you know all right how are you doing
speaker 1: I'm hanging in there my mom called and said that she would like to pay the rent on one of our houses so that I can live there
speaker 2: you're not going to over back for that no well if you're talking
speaker 1: that way if things work out between us we can just rent it out again and I won't be in a lease and we're not losing money on
speaker 2: the house right but I I raised the rent so now well technically Goldsmith can't be kicked out because he's still on Ali and now the people upstairs are paying $1,400 and now the people at South eight people paying 1100 so you know if your mom is looking at essentially gifting well what are you saying something like over $15,000 right as a gift in a year yeah I
speaker 1: don't know how long she'll do it but well she obviously wasn't aware of the rent increases and he didn't tell me
speaker 2: either I just go back to Baseline and say the rent was what it was you know you know go back to 1300 or nine hundred it wouldn't really make sense for her to be offering to pay it to get you in there and then all of a sudden stopped two months later so as a baseball that she was planning to do that for one year here you're talking in the realm of like $12,000 as a gift right yes so it's your decision but that's really the best use of it you know what I mean like if you stop objectively and say okay if my mom gave me literally $12,000 cash right now and my goal in life is to do absolutely nothing but love and serve my family at all costs that is the best way to do that really to have a separate household
speaker 1: because I need somewhere to live
speaker 2: right right loving and serving your family at all, are you already know that that definitely definitely comes with the price tag submitting to bring accountability with our church leadership
speaker 1: I'm not sure about that so then that's not something that if it's too hard because it is definitely a non-negotiable for me well decided that doesn't mean that we agree on everything you can't separate issue your boundaries a separate issue from my Pursuits and intentions
speaker 2: no because once you know what I can't
speaker 1: imagine you can't imagine that you're going to get me to change my boundary and that's the best buy anything about your boundary a monthly pension the boundary
speaker 2: boundary say is that I don't ever live with the house in a house with you unless you completely submitted yourself to the authority of church leadership then you decided that is definitely not going to do that so that's not actually something you're pursuing within reality you can pretend that you're pursuing it within a fantasy world where that's
speaker 1: not pretending that I'm pursuing that that's literally impossible I tried to pursue it
speaker 2: earlier but you told that exact you could have done exactly what they said in the letter I already did everything would have been fine I know but you're pretending that pretending that they
speaker 1: exactly what they said in the letter and the elders in our church leadership literally advised me against doing what's in the letter so suck Jackie has called you on
speaker 2: right now and you said just then you came over to my house you presented me with the whole bunch of partial truths I didn't know the whole story but now that I know the whole story I don't think that
speaker 1: presenting many partial
speaker 2: truths that's true yes it is there's plenty of stuff people no way you can say that he knows everything that you've ever done there's no way so if you said I think my mother's
speaker 1: offer is reasonable intend on taking it what you need to keep in mind. I'll try not pretending you're you're pretending I can't change what's in your head
speaker 2: imagining that you're pursuing getting back together and I'm saying within the boundaries that I've sat that's not what you're doing
speaker 1: that's got nothing to do with me and it's got to do with you it has to do with you because if you are saying oh errands boundaries are not something that I'm willing to live with it and you're not pursuing your in fact that
speaker 2: I'm not pursuing that and you're not pursuing that you're pursuing something completely different which is a life apart from me because you don't want to be with me you just want to women who doesn't have the boundaries and that's a different person that's not me so but it is true I I absolutely have that boundary I
speaker 1: presume that since you've modified elise's with out my permission or knowledge that I have that same
speaker 2: right no idea but I'm just saying that I think at this point you're definitely not pursuing reconciliation and I think all your fault I think you need to take that into account when you make your
speaker 1: long-term decision because what your mom can take that into account because it's false no that's a message to the account because it's
speaker 2: false well if what you're pursuing is getting me to change my boundaries when you already know that's not going to happen then you're deluding yourself there's nobody else here actually believe they don't
speaker 1: have any control over you
speaker 2: exactly exactly so you know that what I am is not something that's going to change you know that what I have is not something that you can change you know what I am and me being
speaker 1: literally impossible so I'm not going to comply with it
speaker 2: that's not true
speaker 1: it is just not it's just not actually no because logically apparent to anyone when I said to you that it's literally
speaker 2: impossible wage that's not true. There's plenty of people who think that you could choose to submit yourself to the church leadership including the church leadership and I'm what I'm saying is if Jeff is called you on the phone now instead Dustin it was a little bit manipulative how you came to be separately from everybody else and utilized what I said to try to say that we had the vision or that we weren't Worthy you know heating Our advice but the truth is I absolutely believe that you should follow everything that we put in that letter and I apologize for anything I
speaker 1: need to do that would be extremely interested I would I would enjoy that conversation
speaker 2: off so then you would basically be willing to submit to their leadership and be committed to not changing that and be committed to not trying to divide them or get different answers from them separate thoughts on things they haven't talked about yet
speaker 1: never done that you would change your position wage but I did not manipulate them and his positions are literally impossible to change based on his interpretation of scripture he's going to change if that's going to be extremely extremely
speaker 2: interesting they have different positions on whether you're abused wife had a Biblical basis for divorce when not all of them knew what abuses you've committed it or what
speaker 1: exactly he doesn't have Jackie Hays doesn't have an opinion that allows for an abused wife to have available basis for divorce under any circumstances so I'm not available it's not something anybody is debating if it's not on the cable then doesn't have a basis
speaker 2: to say that you can't change its position already explained it to me. What's on the table is stop abusing your wife Dustin that's what's on the table you're being so silly to try to talk about whether you're abuse watch a divorce you or not when people just asking you to stop abusing wife I mean he's also asking me Jackie Hays those that silly Jackie Hays knows you should just if you don't use your wife it's a non question that's why it's an odd question for them just a solution is so simple it
speaker 1: should be a question for somebody that has a church member that that's actively engaging in a divorce with that person or it's not sure because it's not engaged and thinking about that it's not talking of their level of taking my role as an elder seriously right it's not it's not the actually it's the actual I mean I understand what you're saying that's why that's why they're not functional understand what you're saying but if you could get them to call me back and change its position that would be extremely enlightening and interesting that means they're not taking normal seriously because that was their job I mean that's
speaker 2: not that you were
speaker 1: particularly germane to me that it is due mean to me if he thinks that you should take my children and a divorce case law that would be probably more applicable that's actually not doing that search like doing the church hoping that they would take their rulers Elder seriously and give me counsel that I
speaker 2: can stay in an abusive marriage with you that's that that's what being an elder is real life is making sure that women stay in abusive marriages and making sure that men can claim Christianity I mean they have to make their lives
speaker 1: matter even remotely resembles that but I would like before I would like them to interpret the Bible and be consistent opinions that don't change his diaper changing changes
speaker 2: if
speaker 1: you can get him to change of opinion call me I will find that conversation extremely
speaker 2: enlightening he doesn't need to have an opinion about whether I have a Biblical today his opinion is that you should
speaker 1: not abuse your wife that's not nobody's debating that so do you know what I'm getting at is that what they're asking me to do yes they are
speaker 2: stop being manipulative what you're doing you're right now stop being dishonest what you're doing right now
speaker 1: that's not true and
speaker 2: it's true it's true that they're asking you to do
speaker 1: actually not asking me to do that but
speaker 2: it is
speaker 1: a little substance because I already agree with you about that but on their positions Elders not on the same page know you need to get back to him to change his opinion that would be significantly different than his interpretation of scripture that we already had at that will be extremely enlightening
speaker 2: that's not going to happen they're never going to do that they're going to continue to hold extremely enlightening they're going to continue to hold you to a standard of Life Would you behave honorably towards your family that's what's going to happen because you're claiming that you're a Christian so I I'm saying if you do that thing with your mom you need to understand that your mom does not have a goal of restoring us unto godliness
speaker 1: okay I understand that
speaker 2: I think that well Jamie said that he said
speaker 1: that she she has nothing to do with this know but that she heard even your mom's at some of the conversations you were having on the phone with her when your mom found out that you were getting divorced
speaker 2: and it sounded
speaker 1: like I don't know how she did that but
speaker 2: that's a little
speaker 1: bit ridiculous yeah obviously my mother is ridiculous and has been their whole life and that is not confusing to me