speaker 1: 
speaker 2: this call may be recorded press one to accept hey hey I think I have the I'm sorry I'm going to have so many emails in my inbox from that I think I did like four I think I I think it's two recalls if there's two lights does it called I could probably fix that eventually but I think that each one of those was like two calls cuz I was calling you at the same time you were calling me and I'm sorry both looked over to the other all right hurt my feelings like you said that it's easier to have cancer without me what hurt my feelings that you said it's easy money understand that I mean would would you say that is consistent with how you think about it I don't know I hadn't thought about that all right you haven't thought about what it my delight to carry the burden of living with someone who is abusive towards you for fifteen years yes I have thought about that and have that how that might like compared to the burden of having cancer surgery yeah I guess I don't really know if that's going to be like okay let's go I'm sorry I mean but trust me it's nothing what did you say like it's nothing it's it literally like not a big deal okay well that's good that's by way of comparison like for you to kind of like be able to think about the enormity of difficulty of living as a victim of domestic abuse I'm just have a I have a high threshold is what I'm saying okay any news on Dragon what any news on Georgia I don't know what you know I think she I think she's on a biotic right now and she's checking if she checked in at Tampa you know this already the right you just told me that they had surgery I also don't know like what she put on faith working with them as much as you know what I mean like I don't know are you didn't even look at Facebook's get on Facebook very much okay that's what I meant I wasn't sure what I know you know what I mean what I told cuz I know stuff that she hasn't put on Facebook I don't know what I told you in leasing office they sent the you know the actual infection to pathology so that maybe they'll get cultures are a few days that'll confirm that she's on the right antibiotic well do something more targeted and then she needs they need to take out the hardware that they installed during her spinal surgery but they can't because that's the only thing holding her together so they have to wait until her own bulbs have like heels from the surgery to the point of fusing themselves together so that they can take out the artificial Hardware from respond take the batteries like plans or does what they have to take it out cuz I don't think they were going to have to take it out I think that's affection oh man I got to put it out I don't know but yeah if that's that's the problem is that it's all housing infection the whole the whole surgical area of course. Oh my gosh yeah yeah it's pretty bad can't imagine having that many surgeries did the doctor cop ever call you crap no no his his phone system must be down all week or something no that was the other doctor yeah so he told me they're going to call you to get it going to go down I can't understand any sound I said phone system doesn't go down to you there I can't understand you sound out garbled said phone systems don't go down do they how would one know I don't know what experience I can't understand you sound out garbled I think my connection is not very good here I'm sorry I think it's whatever speaker you use this I'm not I'm just on my phone but I think it has to go over Wi-Fi oh so that he hasn't called you when he told me wanted to well maybe this week's crossword puzzle was particularly challenging honey in to finish his report so you can send it to my therapist here what
speaker 1: I
speaker 2: want him to finish his report so you can send it to my therapist here yeah you tell them that yeah but yes I did are you in the kids going to come visit me this weekend yes definitely yeah okay most definitely okay have you been learning or talking at all about your capacity for empathy no I can bring that up with Ted what I mean I guess I have talked about it and that I guess I talked about in the context of our relationship feeling like I didn't have it well she's thinking about like well I mean you're saying you think that I'm imagining that but you really have like amazing empathy for me no okay you were telling him that you actually don't ya what yes oh okay I think I phrased it more like well I don't remember Idol something that sounded more like I will leave it in dealers close to you or something that's like yeah well I mean there's I don't think it I don't think it's about feeling close at all that started started saying that whole thing when I got back from God about us not being connected and it made no sense with you know what I mean there's no way Jose but I've never understood like you said that cuz I felt like you said that for years that I have issues with my mom and I'm a problem you have problems with like trusting me and thinking that you need the pricing and thinking that I'm going to ruin your life thinking that I'm you know what I mean like those types of game but that's not a gift it to another couple talk about a distance in their relationship they're not fighting each other they don't care enough to fight each other like Thursday morning one another not worried about how the other person feels about their they don't feel much for the other person but there's no we have no contracts with that whatsoever level of intensity and passion that we have going consistently okay I will protect them it's interesting that one of your strategies for selecting when you were abusing me and it was pointed out to you that you reviewed in me it was pointed out to me that that is what they're normal for any man cannot stop doing that sort of a woman was crying and just want to do it more and so everybody has the right to do it you would pull it arrow that you'll very empathetic person as evidenced by your empathy for other people you have everything for me just worried you that in the damage to me this is me what you're doing is doing the damage to me if you if you feel like a another person you know outside of our marriage she's hurting you're going to feel compassion for them died you know if I walk in the door off visible sad and I say that somebody at Publix hurt my feelings you're going to feel compassion for me yes actively doing something that is actively destructive and aggressive and selfish and unkind and hurtful towards me so when you see the natural effect of that they don't move you at all but you feel completely justified in whatever you did you convince yourself that you're just started wherever you good because it's a month and getting what you want that makes you think that you have a right to fight for whatever you want I hope I said I'll bring that up with him I think the best word for it is that they're they compartmentalization that you can just turn off and you're fighting okay is that consistent with your experience yeah I understand what you're getting at yes I can understand what you're getting at I think part of the problem is that don't always understand why you're hurt yeah but I'm saying if somebody else was doing the same thing to me and you will watch him as a third-party you would have no trouble ability to shut that off totally focused on what you want and you're right I see it I will explore that with him I'm talking about that. It's nothing about you no no but he's my life no because I'm selfish like that data mean yeah it doesn't really get inside your own brain dead I get it Saint talking about it with ten you can help me process this corner did you hear the word again the word debating well kind of something like you're talking through a team can right now okay so can you say it again sorry about it but they no compart compartmentalization okay which isn't just understand that like a selfish and when somebody mentions that you're being selfish said of speaking about the actual action that you're doing and how it serves you and how it doesn't take other people's needs into consideration said you point the finger at oh no I'm not a selfish person in every other area of my life nobody would say that I'm selfish with that. But that's not an accurate quote for me but you can take like a single area when you're trying to get what you want and justify those actions and be really selfish just in that one micro area because it starts your purpose compartmentalization which I think is the unique thing you know what I mean a lot of I think it might emotionally and socially healthy people came to experience like a consistency personality and a consistency of values and consistency of like how they deal with people class different situations and different relationships and different scenarios and what kind of people emotionally healthy people you know people who are well like they you know they might have a tendency toward selfishness but it's going to be kind of like a about the same amount of selfishness a different scenarios but we have like this major like off the chart highly selfish and then they'd really off the charts like not at all selfish you know what I mean I just kind of all over the place depending on what it is you're trying to do a convince people off again I think that there is an instability of personality traits thank you for sharing what's that I know but what I just said yeah usually they thanks for sharing more mad at me I wasn't so considering that accused me of not talk about her taking a picture anyway because I don't want it on the record that I'm refusing visitation or the day I have to go take the LSAT and I forgot that it's not keep it clear to me cuz considering the insanity that's much better that's much better thank you considering all the craziness that was going on when I took the LSAT and the fact that I was thinking about it like the whole time and couldn't focus on the festival I got a crazy good score oh yeah I mean considering my actual aptitude terrible but in the context of what was happening my aptitude like I should be able to you know technically it's like based on my actual brain I should get to get a $170 but with all that was going on I would have expected like a 1:40 yeah yeah I got it 159 cool yeah yeah but you're not going to apply to law school Emma what but you decided not to apply to law school well that's what I've been thinking this weekend just cuz I having trouble trouble figuring out how to you know really care for the kids and that that's a good decision yeah cuz I mean a lot of people had it a lot of people would look at and they would go well look at you you want to you know divorce your husband and be a single mom you've gotta work anyway so your kids are going to public school like it or not get over it Gainesville has amazing school so you know like that would be so many people's way of looking at it but trying to actually wrap my head around the fact that even if my kids are okay going to public school for three years I don't know that with 100% certainty at the beginning of it to be able to make that commitment that I'm not going to need to pull one of them out for whatever reason two years in you know what I mean like you just can't box yourself in that way when it comes to Children's development I don't think thanks for July yeah I want us to be a family again yeah
speaker 1: yeah
speaker 2: I'm proud of you and you're all set thanks thanks it is fine your mother is not fun oh gosh I know you should see what I'm dealing with today oh no what happened well I decided to stay and she asked me to write the administration a letter about my therapy which my name is totally on board for it like a belly thinks it was kind of ridiculous so I wrote a like super polite no just explaining what some of the problems were I sent in a lady and she responded back thank you for your note I perform the CEO and The Clinical Director about some of your concerns we'd like to offer you three free days and like five minutes later my mom said this very long classic note basically asking for more I got to go back and read it cuz eventually send like a follow-up that would say oh I was typing my note as you sent your home so sorry that we got confused but I still like more free stuff I'm pretty sure the first know she leave it to the to the response when I got so that seems focused even but anyways but now I'm like Stuck in the Middle that's interesting to test things that you weren't getting the therapy for your first two weeks I'm honestly having to read into it cuz the only like six something that seems like that then you know just stop and stuff but I do get that Impressions yeah and you say something like well I I don't know I don't like to talk about other people but you know like stopped himself and say let me think of the politically correct thing to say if you want to stay longer you got to talk to so-and-so and if you want to complain about it that's the person to talk to you pretty affirming yeah I feel like I need to be fed regardless of if they gave me any, because right right the cat will the calendar is what people are paying for right they that's not a hard thing to deliver I'm going to get going money it's time for a chapel oh something right no I mean I guess you could do and stuff like that for your mom I don't know how they handle her honestly did I ever tell you about catching it was having a relationship with Burt yeah it was weird though cuz when you told me it sounded like you had been hypnotized at the fact that she was coming to terms with the fact that she had had an emotional affair and it sounded like you were like empathizing with her because you were in literally the same boat as her on that same day I mean I don't think that she had an emotional affair that you were talking like it was like you it was like you had been having conversations about it she was not able to bring that in a much more palatable light know you know what I mean do you think I don't know it's hard to tell with her but she after so long that down I'll head Alabama store stuff so that's all triggers you might be taking actions to take it seriously makes it so gross actually tried to get Jeff to buy a bed and breakfast thing Airbnb property there remember me look at that yeah I just don't know what the deal is obviously I don't know either I don't know, it doesn't know I think he doesn't know cuz she acted like so you think that he was being genuine on that phone call when you told him and that somehow after that she's been able to just carry on carry on carry on with him being a loose I don't know he's got to have some he had to have some knowledge of it I feel like that's what I mean so you don't know what kind of stuff she let them do he could be snowball now though but I see there's no way to know regardless it's also dark and so evil and so dysfunctional and so dishonest and so manipulative and so insult you know what I mean so he's the only thing I don't I don't she was obviously stressed out about my issue is I don't know if that could have had some impact on her taking her life yeah but I mean you see on it you know what I mean like how she was after her sister died or how she was after you you know called her out on it the other time or how she was you know when she I don't know it's just been so many times it seems like it seems like it's like a tactic like if you feeling like you're feeling right now like oh Mom yeah I don't know I I never paid on it anymore with her on me off Madison texted me wanting the kids to be heard ring bearer and flower girl at her wedding and Mexico next. Oh wow yeah actually just haven't said anything about it cuz I was like gosh afford do that text okay after she's pregnant again yeah yeah so it's it's next so it'll be after she's got she's got her own baby I think so yeah taking her baby to Mexico for when yeah sounds TV no I mean if that's playing that's plan and I don't think they're that far from Mexico right yeah they're not Mom said she fly me presents all of us I yeah they're not far in mom said that she would fly me and I think she probably will find all of us if we want to go oh okay
speaker 1: well
speaker 2: did you want to process through some more of what I'm doing to you right now so I really do that ago did you need the process through any more of my mom's going to you know cuz I really got to go I can't understand your words did you need to talk about my mom's actions toward you right now cuz I really need to go soon no I mean I don't know if you figured it out but obviously what your mom did on the day before Christmas to me was I don't remember she called me to ask if I was willing to talk about like kicking somebody out of my car rental and I told and I told her about that no actually there's a whole whole long list of reasons that I'm not comfortable talking about that directly and she did about I would say seven or eight repetitions of going oh hi I understand that oh of course that's completely understandable but I was just thinking that it would be like good to you know not have to go through the attorneys and you know after each repetition I told her very calmly I can give you my attorney's phone number. That's not something that is safe for me to be communicating directly about and then she started escalating it by telling me that I was being irrational and completely unreasonable and there was clearly something wrong with being and that and I said listen you know as well as you know anybody from your own experiences when a woman has been victimized by a man wage should be you know obligated to continue to subject ourselves to and she I don't believe that for a minute victimized you oh God how has he'll tell me out and and I said listen this is unreasonable you know that I told you I shouldn't be talking to her to him directly and she said that you should talk to him directly when did I say she talked to him directly now you're twisting my words then I started I started to shake and I said this is not okay I shouldn't it should go. Yourself oh my goodness do you hear yourself you need some help you know like was just going all out when she has faced at the beginning of it that she was like kindly and courteously asking my permission to broach the subject and then and then so sorry she told me about how I was lying if they'd get all in that I could tell other people whatever I wanted to tell other people about our phone conversation but she and I were both always so the truth and then when we got off text message lying about it keeps saying that she didn't know why I had to get so emotional because all she was doing was simply asking if I would be able to talk about Justin's living situation that's clearly I have something going on emotionally that prevents me from being able to be rational about this topic and you know like making it sound like she hopes that I get some help you yeah and then you know saying how a cow but she loves me and it was interested horrifically dishonest and rhythmically manipulative wage and and I could tell that like she is very much felt like she had accomplished her objective of making me cry and you know she would just say you don't think she wanted to make you cry let me you're adapting into thinking that somebody was doing unspeakable evil act against me had my best interests at heart and that it was because of something on my end that I cried off and I don't deserve that from her and I don't remember that from you okay honey I'm very sorry that you called you at all I'll have that on if it's not about me trading gestured it's about being as an offer to convince people that there's something wrong with me and that I'm a liar and then I'm not to be trusted and that's something that she said to your father that's something that she did for your barn something that she gets a job that's something that you seen her do a lot of people try to pass them as liars and try to pass them as unstable she was actually out to do what she said she was out to you and she's just like have a conversation about the rental then she wouldn't have felt the need to lie about it after the fact perfect said that her text said are never suggested that you talk directly deducted and it affects that and I never suggested that you talk directly to them about it either you made all of that up no sense you know what I mean if you actually heard you would recognize off the battery by demanding that I talked directly to you or her about something that I had every every reasonable right to them not comfortable talking directly to you ahead of the house off at any reasonable person would say that it was wrong to try to push me to do that and giving her my bedroom three times in a row Chanel right about it and attached right after the fact that she could do something wrong I'm sorry Mommy but I truly got to go right now I'm sorry you need to be able to recognize those things for what they are though yes I do understand that's not a safe place for that all say that again waiting list I understand me I got to go I'm sorry I love you