speaker 1: 
speaker 2: this call may be recorded press one to accept hey how's it going and good about oh last night I went through a bunch of phone calls to try to find somewhere where I said I wouldn't go to couples counseling I'm not really interested in arguing about that right now Lindo am I allowed to tell you that it was traumatic for me to have to listen to them okay is that okay am I allowed to say it off okay it was pretty traumatic to have to listen to all of that you were right I was trying and you're right I was trying really hard to help you understand what are relational Dynamics are about makes it not a good idea to go to couples counseling I just couldn't find the part where I said I wouldn't but it might have been different call that you were thinking of so if you're wanting to maintain that I definitely said that you should probably make some time maybe while you're at work or doing something to listen to the calls do you think that might be in I think the one that you listen to already is reason enough the fact that I was trying and explaining to you why that was a dangerous dynamic even though I told you over and over both before that call him after that call but all you have to do is choose a sampler so that I knew it was something you were actually going to listen to seriously I have zero interest in arguing with you and I don't understand why are we still doing this something I don't know what you mean different there's no need to argue there's no argument that there's no argument just not an eye on the phone cuz I love you I want to have a real relationship with you
speaker 1: you're very
speaker 2: mean it's not right for the street name for me I'm saying we should argue about something that we're not going to agree on we're not arguing Dustin arguing about it we're not arguing there's nothing you could do this is not a love you I don't want to have a real relationship with you it doesn't mean that you have to argue with me I've never called you because I wanted to argue with you I don't even know what I've said that you would want to argue with don't want argue then don't but it's very mean for you to say to your wife then why are we on the phone like the only reason that we could ever want to talk is to argue I don't get that
speaker 1: you
speaker 2: don't want to talk to me you just wanted to call and declare something that I don't agree with and say well we're not arguing so you can't counter your knee like it's I'm not arguing with you I'm telling you that took I took a lot of time and went to a lot of emotional turmoil it was really really really hard for me to where you proved me to be right. So call me is saying that I'm wrong I just it was really hard for me to listen to that it was very painful for me to hear all the things that you said I don't understand why that is not I don't understand why you would not have compassion for that this is weird this is weird I I'm your wife I share my soul in my experience with you so that you can know me more intimately and relate to me and care for me appropriately you're angry that I listen to the recordings that doesn't make sense let me send that to think that you would be happy about that understand why you're angry at me or acting like I have no business calling you I'm trying to have a real actual relationship with you but you define as me having to agree with everything that you think and I don't you don't have to agree with what I think that's why you're telling me because if you're making things up but like you're making anything that you don't agree with you made up when we talking about actual actual documented history and we're not talking about undocumented history where one of us might remember it wrong but we're talking about documented history which was documenting because of a mutual agreement that we want to have that documentation then it's not an argument there's not something to agree about or disagree
speaker 1: about
speaker 2: this is not there's no argument there's just there's just not and there's no way for you to tell me that I called you today to argue with you that's that's not even it's not even that's not even possible why did you call me I was telling you that I listened to all the phone calls which I went through a lot of trouble to do that because I love them even though it was harmful to me to have to go through that pain again I did that because I love you I don't want to keep hurting you by saying that you're lying I can see that that's tearing you apart and it matters to me very much what that's doing to you to hear me say that so I'm trying to do better and not attributing things that you say to being wise and I'm trying to be better a trusting your heart that you're being genuine and that you actually believe the things that you're saying that's not that's not a bad thing because you don't cast me as being argumentative or trying to have a conflict I'm not accusing I'm using objective data to help us be on the same page all right thank you I'm sorry that I was going to say about it me to hurt even net effect is that I have to be fearful in the future challenging your beliefs or your recollection of history or presenting you with objective data the net effect of you being grumpy today is that I need to be ashamed of myself
speaker 1: for
speaker 2: correcting your beliefs and I have to be fearful that I'm guilty of causing conflict in our marriage the net effect is that I have to make a decision between feeling love or holding out truth the net effect is that I have to go along with what you say even if I have objective data in front of me saying different in order to be loved and treated well your grumpiness is a tool of coercion it changes my behavior I'm sorry I forgive you thank you did you copy the email address in that Zoom thing I can copy it know what email address I know the one in there was it was it for this evening or for him assistance okay well is that what was on the email that I sent you maybe yeah I think I think that email probably came from his assistant cuz cuz that's rev surf mode. Assist off okay so that sounds like that must be his assistants I would think so I didn't take my medicine today I'm sorry why first I forgot then I just decided not to take it I mean that's dangerous right off I think that's what you want no it's not I definitely don't want you to cut your medication do you have access to the dosage that you had when you checked out of the clinic yep can you just take that instead of your new one okay it would be better than not taking it right maybe I mean that was my understanding it's pretty important that you don't quit until you've spent a year without symptoms and that you then taper off your dosage yeah so the the right thing to do would be for you to take your new high dose one and then contact your doctor to get permission to go back to your lower dose one right I guess unless you want to have the conversation about switching classes what do you mean you don't want to have the conversation not really I just felt like you were having rather few side effects when you checked out of Honey Lake compared to the benefits that you were getting which I thought were pretty clear and that it's only been this week that the month sleeping has gotten to be so much that interfering with your life is that different than what you've observed I think it got less effective over time what got less effective so dosage so I don't think so I think you you were having more stressors and and is it better longer amount of time since you had any Recreation or healthy camaraderie all right well
speaker 1: do you like Chris Wright
speaker 2: good I'm glad you jumped in on that call you missed the beginning he had he had printed out like four pages of questions or send him over the last few weeks
speaker 1: but
speaker 2: he didn't read him because he said they're pretty much all from one perspective or another had something to do with with the concept of what do you do about like the wife abuser husband
speaker 1: mark
speaker 2: we don't do anything about that yeah yeah but he went into you know obviously detail about it
speaker 1: no all
speaker 2: right well I don't know what to say about all that area and I don't see that I have done most of the behaviors that he describes on there but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be a better husband to you and if he can help me with that I am absolutely open to it off yeah that says welcome that group or not yeah I mean would you be willing to take specific behaviors to him so that he could talk about that specific behavior and I mean like blame-shifting I mean like like give him like a sustainable something that you always say that I'm doing that I never activated exactly it wouldn't do any good for you to say in a coaching called my wife along with the supply I never see it in that and it's just the categorization that I don't relate to at all that would be a waste of time but if you wanted to give him a bath I'm talking about give him a Verbatim script like hey here's one of my phone calls with my wife I said quote she said quote I said quote she said quote I said how would you analyze that conversation okay you don't have to use the category blame-shifting and he's not going to use that word if it doesn't fit you know are you open to having somebody else look at your actual behaviors without you or I being the ones to try to put it in a category or label yeah would be the most helpful yes because having conversations about she called dais I don't call this she calls it bad I call it you know it's like you said that's something you're never going to agree on cuz you're not talking about it actual Behavior does he set your anxiety off no that's my anxiety office him talking about this program that's a bunch of stuff that I don't think that I'm doing and you happen to agree to do it that way that you're excited yes so you don't you don't feel like he's a safe person I don't I don't know what I need to try it okay have you talked to see
speaker 1: about it no okay
speaker 2: so you said is not using me as an excuse for latest take your medication
speaker 1: no okay good
speaker 2: sorry I said that that was just my understanding and I wanted to make sure that wasn't okay well I'm going to go and you're going to finish taxes yep that can take a break and go take your meds first I'm not taking them today is that really okay yep are you sure yep who tells you that's okay she said just skip it no on purpose this is on purpose it's already late afternoon making them did she say to skip it if it's late afternoon you didn't take it yet
speaker 1: I'm
speaker 2: going to take it first thing in the morning then probably okay I love you I love you too bye