speaker 1:  this call may be recorded hello hello who is this hello good who am I speaking with Dustin okay tell me about your graduation wage Would You Do song but yes just a short one can I hear it what I didn't record and what I can't hear you recording down you didn't record it and you didn't write it down you can tell me what you said you never forget your words my chance I said that I came from a broken phone data issues I can't do you have a different do you have a different speaker you can tell me the rest on cuz I can't really hear you from the speaker or that Mike yes better I told then I came from a broken home and that when my parents kicked me out I didn't take my minerals money problems from that seriously and enabled my way out of doing the therapy thing and that that didn't prepare me very well for being a good husband and I never really did therapy until I got here and my long-suffering wife took the first me because of that and that one I got here I was suicidal and felt like got it abandoned me but that with everybody here has been really kind of being to help me reconnect and grow in my face that I didn't really know what the future holds but that I know that God has a plan for my life is that all true
speaker 2: yep you think
speaker 1: do you think I think that's really good
speaker 2: nothing
speaker 1: on me thanks what's the thing that you were working on for me to stay somewhere working out yeah I'm scared he won't like it okay but I need you back I don't really want to do any of what I've been doing the last few weeks like talking in circles of you about things that you did that were manipulative or I don't work that and it doesn't even matters and you know I wasn't you know I wasn't holding anything against you you know I'm not angry at you for anything you know there's nothing that you've ever done that I don't forgive you. Thank you. There's nothing that you've ever done that makes me not want to be with you thank you but I have legitimate reasons to be fearful to be alone in a room with you have legitimate reasons to be fearful of living in a house with you I have legitimate reasons to fear that you're not always going to make good decisions for our household and for our children and 30 time with us like sorry what was that last thing you said like the time you spend with your family like it just wouldn't you know what I mean it wouldn't make any sense for me to just trust that it's safe cutting out a little bit there's no reason for me to trust that it's safe you're cutting out a little bit there's no reason for me to trust that it's safe to go to go back to how we were or to go on like we were dead but I mean there's a lot there's a lot there's a lot that I'm going to need to know that I can trust you
speaker 2: okay
speaker 1: so I think that I can feel my past that I see is for you to go back to the McDonald's house and I asked them and they said that they'd love to have you and I think all they need you know in order to feel good about doing that like providing a place for you to live is just that they see that you are demonstrating a willingness to do what I'm asking you to do so that we're moving in the direction of being a family again okay I think I can do that I don't know I don't know what about you know but I don't know like I based on any past Behavior I don't have like any particular reason to expect that you're going to do things that I asked you to do that would demonstrate to me that you love me and care about me I don't have any any reason to think that you would ever sacrifice anything for me I mean for yourself sorry it's been that way staring down the barrel of losing half of your assets and full-time personal assistant actually sacrifice anything for my good give you everything you told me that but you've never actually sacrificed anything for me you know what I mean and I never asked for all of our Assets in a settlement link you know what I mean it just feels like a it just feels like a like a manipulation move in light of all of your actions can I speak to make you feel better now but I do want things to be different now I'll show
speaker 2: you
speaker 1: and then we really need we need to we need to actually like put together a budget
speaker 2: you know okay
speaker 1: that's something that that's something I want to do back when we were engaged and it's something that you know a lot of people think every household should do and even if there was a time we didn't need it and definitely needed it the last few years and then I'd like to always have that going forward I can create it together and stick to it and then whatever it is I would like to make sign all the money in a way that what you have for your spending when you're at the McDonald's or something I put in your account so that they know that it's all that's going to be spent is that okay okay okay I said the one thing is it's just thought it would be okay but I got I think the issue is that the therapist thinks that this is all revolving around rehashing things with the Elder still needing to work out those relationships but that he doesn't understand that's only been happening because of Nathan like you remember
speaker 2: yeah
speaker 1: like Nathan was the one who drew me into joining one of your counseling sessions which was a complete waste of a counseling session for him to have me on the phone trying to get to the bottom of why I wouldn't tell you how you spend manipulatives right yeah and it only looped into the elders because I'm trying to say like how can I trust that Dustin sorry for everything when he's saying that the everything that he's supposedly sorry for and that the elders told him was wrong but they're idiots and don't know what they're talking about like that's the reason that we've been having so many stupid circular conversations we have saying what went down with the elders yeah it doesn't actually know that Ted actually thinks that I want to rehash what happened with the elders okay he doesn't know that the elders are people who when you go to them and say let's rehash this they're going to say that's not necessary we love you and we want to move forward you know yeah
speaker 2: you know what I
speaker 1: mean yeah like that's way healthier than saying okay the Christian thing to do is tuck your tail and move on to people who don't know your past and don't try to suck restore fellowship with your brothers and sisters like you know what I mean
speaker 2: there's yeah
speaker 1: there's a Biblical element to it and he's giving you a biased opinion based on a lot of people who claim to be Christians but live selfishly and that's not the kind of people that we're talking about yeah you know what I mean yeah it's not even people who don't like you who love you
speaker 2: yeah yes
speaker 1: and honestly like you can you can stop saying that they're unethical and illegal and incompetent and like you don't have to keep saying those things right and that's all I was saying before huh does that make sense that when you say those things I feel scared and makes me want to run away from you it's it's scary to me okay you have to think Ted would understand that too that's all I was getting at and that's fair and I think you also said that you're making a commitment that if you have ever heard different advice from two different people you could tell them that you wanted to get the three of you together yeah thanks yeah I can tell you right now only because I've I don't know if you done a budget at all
speaker 2: you say
speaker 1: I have crunched the numbers and I'm just going to tell you that I don't see it line item for tobacco or alcohol being they're mathematically I don't know if I can stop right away but I will work on it but how many do you have left I don't know I mean not only smoking in here cuz they won't you hate so the line item for
speaker 2: vape juice I know
speaker 1: I have to call my mom to eat calling me again yeah she wants me to send the Portland Oregon oh no there was a bunch of even if he has a hotel there and user miles and blah blah blah and she will stock you I never even read that and it's only with somebody else is when you accept that fact you're an adult isn't that sweet Dustin like honestly I think that I think that she made you make that Runaway Bunny your favorite when you were a little kid you know what I'm talking about yeah I will come and get you anywhere never escape to me home I'm actually because I've never been to the West Coast what a little tempted to take it up on it I haven't ever been to Portland are crazy you don't want to go there cuz it's beautiful no no that's not what it's like there people there smoke pot all the time everywhere you like you can't walk outside across the courtyard without tripping over a pothead sounds like my job sites and if you do make it safely to like across walks and Tifa come after you with the baseball bat every day no you don't want to go find out I don't know it's a little tempting you know I'm trying to figure out surreal like if your Mom spending money on vacations thank you should ask her to put it aside for you to plan something with your children sometimes yeah but it's not real fine point cuz she's like that she's already there's he's got the hotel oh she wants you to stay in a hotel with her yeah I don't I mean I don't see how that benefits your children honestly
speaker 2: I
speaker 1: just thought I understand the McDonald's there in for having me if I come on Saturday sometimes you'll see I felt like the best time for you to call him would be tomorrow between 3:00 and 5:00 because he he has a five hour drive to the Toronto Airport and the first three hours of that he doesn't have reception but he thought by 3:00 he'd be in an area with reception off my gosh you believe that pussy got ended have some craziness I don't know I mean they're not they're not like giving you any you know requirements or House Rules they're just they're just saying that it's like for me right for us to get back together basically Okay so like I really will need to access your file servers okay so if you don't have a password that works you know what I mean if you don't if you can't come up with a password that works for me to be able to do that you know what I mean like stuff like that what the passwords don't work I'm not going to be able to help you but everything I can see if I can get it off the oh I'm going to spend six hours in my office by myself you know and then I'll give you what you asked for like you can reasonably give me access and let me have access you know what I'm saying like like do things in a way that are respectful of my need to know that you're not trying to take advantage of me absolutely and I think you know that I mean they didn't like they didn't say any of this like thank you you too have to agree on a budget or you have to you know you have to let you into his servers like they don't you know what I mean they just said that you have to send be demonstrating a willingness to do like your wife is asking you to do of course think I better call my mom I mean I'm sorry let's see, this is here but that all sounds good to me I think I think that you should not smoke or drink at their house looking for an be a little bit challenging but I can you're smoking cigarettes now or cigars cigarettes but he's smoking those again in here cuz they think my allowance was dating before I came here
speaker 2: yeah I mean
speaker 1: which is cheaper and healthier but obviously I mean I understand like it's ridiculously hard but like giving birth to a 9 pound baby is also ridiculously hard you know what I mean yes I understand thank you for having my babies I was actually getting at okay I'm sorry I feel like I have to spell it out for you I know that you're wanting me to quit I might actually be needing to that I understand I understand it's going to be hard for me right yeah I guess I need like the hardness of something to not be a factor in whether you're able to love me the way I need you know what I mean I do I don't want to play to you and be like I'm just going to quit smoking instantly I know but there is like a I don't know is there such thing as a mode of like all-encompassing stubborn determination that people can take on and win something really matters more than anything else okay and I want to matter more than anything else cuz most of my life demonstrating that you matter to me more than anything else and I want to know what that feels like okay I love you okay I love you talk to you soon I'm going to call my mom